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Dan E

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Everything posted by Dan E

  1. Well it gets better as they now say that it is unlikely that the other van will be used again and if it is it will most probably be on another set of false plates. Great so can you take the marker off my van then? No Sir. So if anyone wants to ferry some drugs around I have just the vehicle for you.
  2. what is an eco van these days. lease is up in March and i was going to buy it. enlighten me
  3. well they didn't mention kerb crawling so i kept quiet. yes it is a serious nightmare because what happens is the APNR picks the van up then sends it to the local cars the way i understand it. The police have been great to be fair but it would be nice to know what happened and to get the marker off it. You know it might wear a bit thin after a while
  4. So bumbling around this morning after late night at work last night. Wife says there is a police van on the drive! So have look and there they are blocking my drive. 2no officers walk to the door and say are you Daniel Elphick, erm yes, can we come in? I guess so. so they come into the dining room and start asking where I was last night, well I was at work in Lloyd’s in Old Broad Street London, whats this about then, sorry sir we can’t tell you at the moment but there was a serious incident last night involving your van. Really, if you mean buying some diesel and a can of Diet Coke in Tesco’s garage then nick me now. That didn’t go down too well. Still no idea what they are going on about, so I say how serious and they say if we find out it is you, you will be getting arrested. Jaysus! Now I live in the worlds quietest road, nothing ever happens and I mean nothing, now we have 4 neighbours out doing their front gardens. Great. So I say I got to Lloyd’s about 5.30 and left about 10.00 and the van was parked in their underground car park all caught on CCTV and I signed into security under CCTV. Now I am thinking what the f&£k have I done. So they ask where were you at midnight, well I was at home chatting to my wife about Ray Donovan (good show if you haven’t seen it) and having a glass of very nice of red wine actually. Well sir can you prove that, erm no I can’t, then I thought you know what I can I got CCTV on the house no point really unless you want to see the odd fox or the Police turn up Off we all trundle into my home office, my son is thinking all of this is brilliant actual Police in the house, like real ones. Now I have never had any cause to look at the CCTV because as previously mentioned nothing ever happens here, so I have no idea how to work it, but luckily the Grasshopper did. So it shows me pulling on the drive at 11.05 and the van not moving until they turned up. So it turns out the van has been cloned and I now have a marker on it. So what does that mean chaps? Every time you get seen on ANPR you will get pulled up. Oh really that is a bit inconvenient as that van goes into London pretty much everyday what can I do? Nothing apparently until they catch whoever done whatever or the case is closed. Anyone know anything about this? I said look I will put a massive yellow dot on the back can you then have it’s not the one with the yellow dot. No Sir. So drove into London today and got pulled over! But to be fair to the Police they were totally professional both the ones that pulled me and the two chaps who turned up this morning and you know what it’s good to know you have them guys out there. I got a couple of plates on retention so I might just put one of them on for a while, just you look a bit of a knob turning up in a van with a personal plate, it’s a bit like turning up for a job in a Range Rover ? so there you go, I also have auto congestion charge and Dart Tunnel payments so best I keep an eye on them. What a nightmare. Bastards
  5. Dan E


    Nephew completed it in 3 days! I gave up after sitting up until two in the morning playing the markets then thinking what the f&*k am I doing.
  6. Sam see if the MOT station can help you out. Ask them to ring the owner and explain the situation. Got to be worth a try
  7. I never drink cider unless there is a small wooden hedgehog near it. Oh hold on Or a sex toy on charge, oh hold on again Last time I got that wild there was a Larma lurking but you couldn’t make that up
  8. Same here mate, came in had a glass of wine on a Monday, close enough to the end of sober for October I thought gammon, egg and chips (always a treat) now having another glass of wine, so I feel your pain.
  9. Barry have you retired now then. Note to self: do some chicken sheds
  10. That was absolutely brillaint, never seen that before. Now we know why our cars are so amazing.
  11. go find yourself a "plot" then go and lose it!
  12. Dan E


    Barry don’t put me off I am in the high risk market now! That is a very clever programme they should put in schools. Hold on I need to do a bit more marketing.
  13. Dan E


    Matt there has got to be a story behind that, if you have told it before please send the link if not, let’s hear it. It will get me off that bloody paper clip thing. Thanks bibs not,
  14. Yes or over £5500 a year of taxable income if you need to do it all year 5 days a week.
  15. Done a survey on The Bank of England today, really interesting especially the vaults, 3m thick reinforced concrete walls will 3/4 inch steel plate encasing it. Really hard to work out where you are the bloke showing me around who has been there 8 years got lost, twice! We are not allowed any drawings apart from the basic outline of the building. That should be interesting to price! Seriously amazing building, by the time we had finished we had walk 3.5 miles.
  16. Yep totally agree, had a Sub Mariner for 15 years have worn pretty much every day, including on site and it’s been through 3 full house refurbishments. Still looks great and works fine does need a service though. Only issue is everyone has one. Also an IWC Spitfire which is rarely used but love it and the Date just I have had since I was 21. I really want a Bremont but not yet.
  17. Looked lovely, wife was trying to catch you up, up Logs Hill. We didn’t ?
  18. How to sort out pollution, tax it! Taxis, buses anyone. Absolute nonsense. . My van does 15 to 20k a year, is in that congestion zone at least 4 Times a week. That’s the standard charge, TE does 1500 miles a year and is subject to the T charge, go figure and the road tax is more expensive. The C charge never worked it worse up there now than ever. What they should do is build 3 more bridge/ tunnels across the Thames to ease the ridiculous congestion, I have to be through the Blackwall Tunnel by 6am to not get caught up in it. That instead of getting a train to Birmingham and saving 20mins. If anyone can come up with a decent arguement against the above I would like to hear it.
  19. Barry, I agree with legalising drugs and taxing them. I was in Amsterdam earlier this year again but got talking to a chap and what I didn’t realise is ( you may all know this) that the coffee shops are for tourists. You cant buy grass if you are a tourist and take it away. That is only for the nationals and it must be smoked at home. Seen many a person wanting a fight drinking beer but most people who have smoked a joint want a chocolate digestive. I rather like that. There is also an arguement for legalising the hard stuff as well. The war on drugs is never going to work well it hasn’t up till now. Going to watch the Gordon Ramsey Cocaine thing tonight he was on Radio 2 yesterday sounded really interesting. Kimbers, how many times did you get pulled up when you were younger, I did a lot. Proper traffic cops told you how it was and then let you off with a producer if you wasn’t taking the complete piss. Never see a traffic cop and driving is getting worse which I can confirm coming back from Birmingham today on the M40. 6 people on their phones swerving and the left hand drive lorries are in pretty much 90% of every accident I ever see. Bad one today. More police the better for me. We got burgled years ago they didn’t turn up for a week and when they did they gave me a car air freshener with Safer Bromley written on it. Would loved to have been in that meeting
  20. Me and you need to have a beer sometime ? this shit drives me mad
  21. John that is brilliant news, mojo well and truly back as predicted.
  22. 10hours in the office everything went wrong, took the side wheel arch out on the van on the car park wall I have come out of at least a 3000 Times, got home asked what was for dinner, “chicken curry” guess what I had for lunch? Retirement pah you don’t know what you are missing
  23. I just checked on we buy any car, they don’t buy Lotus Esprits. I will be in touch with Lawyers in the morning ?
  24. Sounds like a top fuel dragster ?.
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