sandwer

...and likely to remain that way, I think. It has been a blast, but I've finally realised that I am not the snake hipped thirty-something I once was. Time, then, to stop putting a strain on the suspension, and to call time on my lotus ownership of twenty years. Started with a sublime Excel SE, two Esprit S3's and an S1 Elise. I watched my S3 get loaded onto a trailer this morning, and disappear around the bend. The strangest feeling, realising that I spent the first 30 years of my life working to get one, the next twenty maintaining and looking after it, and now to see all that work and ambition disappear. Empty nest syndrome? Without being all pathetic, it occurs to me that, like children, we are only custodians these cars, not owners. I like to think that in 18 years of owning my S3, I've kept it roadworthy, and it acquitted itself quite well by not throwing a hissy fit getting on the trailer. Time for the new owner to take it to a level I don't have the time to do....however, this isn't an end to my petrolhead tendency, my Saab is now headed for 300+ horses as a result of the sale Who knows, a cheeky M100 might end up in my life before long.... Best, Rich

Buddsy, Congratulations. How long ago was it that you bought those machined inlets to the pub? Rich

In 1994, I got my S3. One month later, the passenger side tank let go (ruined my drive - not sure what I was more upset about). Strattons isolated that tank, and since then I have run on one tank. I have a pair of steel replacement tanks that I have carted around with me since 1995 (I think they were the last ones from the factory) and every year I look at the car, and think, right, I'll get those tanks changed. Every year for the last 20 years I have thought that, and every year I have bottled it. Why? Because I helped a mate do his in 1996 and frankly, it is one of the most hellish jobs ever, requiring Gollum style fingers and wrists, more dexterity than a ballet dancer and more patience than I - or my mate - possess. We took the engine out after 2 days of cussing and speculating [*]. Handy really, as we noticed that the water pump was leaking.... You might get one done with the engine in-situ - but getting the other one done is like climbing Everest in flip-flops. //R [*] We formulated this - that the Esprit assembly instructions went along the lines of "first, take a heater core, and two petrol tanks...."

Geir, it'd be the same in the UK. After the initial shock of finding the car with broken glass and without a steering wheel, I did contemplate a few things like that. Mostly electric shocks or a taser of some description, but also one of those devices that shopkeepers use for deterring teenagers from congregating. Thinking through the idea of a 'sonic attack' (Hawkwind, anybody?), isn't there a supposed to be a subsonic weapon, or am I thinking of that Kate Bush song? Mind you, if there was, that'd be one way of shaking loose those hitherto unmovable bolts we all come across. A subsonic screwdriver....hmmm. The car is back, MoT'd, insured and taxed, with new glass, and what looks like a new door surround.

At the end of last year, two thieving be-hooded ragbags tried to steal the Esprit. They failed, thankfully (I leave the battery disconnected) but their ingress left me with a bent driver's door frame, and broken door glass. That wasn't the whole story though. Once inside, they attempted the old 'wrench-the-wheel-to-break-the-steering-lock' trick and instead of the steering lock breaking like it might on your average 80's Ford, the steering wheel parted company with the column [*]. They actually managed to shear the splines off the top of the column! I'm not sure what this says about those components, but... It comes back tomorrow, new steering column, new door frame/glass and a new master cylinder. [*] This is the bit that I would have sold my firstborn to have seen

@Graham, My apathy isn't directed at the working hours of the people in the classroom - I do know how hard they work from the same (often bitter, in my case) experience as you, so I'll retract 'teachers' as a generic term if that is OK - it is directed at the layer above them and I hope I was pointing out the irony of those that deny the leave having to pay full price. @Laura, yes - when I was taken out of school, I was given work to do in advance of the trip. I'd have rather gone to school. On the subject of the fines, I found this earlier clicky - I had no idea that it was such a relatively small amount and seems to be levied a lot less than I'd have suspected. //R

Tony, so tempting to start sounding off on another rant....about my favourite subject - teachers (the original one-word oxymoron), so I won't and keep this to the facts. Like all dealings with a school, check what else is going on at the school at the same time as your requested holiday. For example, this year, the majority of sprog #4's 3rd form (I refuse to call it 'year x or y') are on a trip to disneyland paris. Hardly educational, and with 40 of the year on the trip, the remainder of the year aren't exactly going to be following vital curriculum, are they - so that would get a result. Alternatively, JFDI like me and pay the fine they levy on you. A couple of hundred quid balanced against the savings of term-time holidays is a no brainer IMHO.... The only consolation I get from the whole ludicrous situation is that the teaching "profession" (quotes to denote sarcasm) have to pay full whack for their extensive holidays.

Cyclists have brakes and steering, which is more than you can say for the inconsiderate ****s who take neddy out for a meander on public roads. Share and share alike when it comes to roads, and be considerate, but don't share the responsibility with me of having to second-guess and avoid a ton of barely sentient dog food that has no reliable brakes, lighting or steering. Sorry for the thread hijack, but I detest horses on roads. [*] On topic - yes it is too dangerous to cycle on the roads now. Even when you find a cycle lane of a decent width, it is full of dog cr*p and misaligned drain covers. In Derby I was lucky enough to have a cycle path all the way into the city at the bottom of the road and used it a lot. The thing that bugs me is that the police treats us like terrorists with this dim 'speed kills' nonsense (inappropriate use of speed....yes) yet the majority of cyclist deaths on the road seem to be caused by 'inappropriate use of mirrors' by the drivers (and lorry/bus drivers are certainly no better). And PaulC, a visit to Cambridge during term time would make you question whether these places do indeed contain the levels of intelligence alleged. Cambridge - the only place where I use the park and ride a) for my own safety and b) for the sheer entertainment factor....sometimes, it is better than watching 'Jackass' //R [*] Mrs S has named that particular rant 'number 37' in a series of 120, and it invariably leads on to 'number 38' which is the licensing laws applicable to horseboxes, which is almost certainly off topic. Apparently, I'm turning into a grumpy.

As a customer since they opened the Lotus dealership, it is nice to see them getting the credit they deserve. I'll add a +1 to that...... //R

I'm curious about how such a renowned marketing expert can screw up the communications about the F1 involvement and announce [insert figure here] job losses in one week. But then again, I'm with Bill Hicks's rant on 'marketing', and a firm believer that incompetence finds it's own level. //R

Just thinking laterally, and really, no offence intended to Excel owners, but there are some fairly cheap Excel SE's cropping up on ebay. Grab the engine, install and get running in your Esprit, and then sell the remains of the Excel back on ebay as a 'potential V8 conversion' project? Of course, I'm assuming that you have the ability/space/time to do that, but it might be a cost effective way of getting your hands on a HC lump, if that is the way you want to go.... //R

Ah, thanks. Not quite what I'm after, but still very interesting all the same... //R

I can't get this clear in my head, so sorry if it is a dumb question - that distributor retains a rotor arm? So it is in effect a lumenition built into the body of the dissy? Or is there more to it than that - they hint at it on the site. Like fitz, I'm considering something that means no big sparks under carbs.... //R

Richard, You mentioned an immobiliser in an earlier thread. If it is the same as mine, then there may not be anything wrong with your starter motor per se - it could be that the immobiliser has failed. I took mine out in the end [*], more trouble than it was worth. It had separate immobiliser circuits for the fuel pump (theres a clue - can you hear yours when you switch the ignition on?) and the ignition feed to the starter motor. Just a thought....often helps to think laterally when it comes to electrics. //R [*] not difficult, it is easy to find the black box and work out where it has been spliced into the loom and reverse the damage if you can solder.