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Dan, you got to learn to say no.  Otherwise you're their bitch.

We've got coffin dodgers both sides and I make sure I rev my 6 litre engines every now and then.  They know not to trouble us.

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One mystery cleared up - I’ve just Instagramed a few Millenials, and they're adamant the Mini’s only parked at that angle due to the position of the landfill bin that some idiot has left there.

Well he's got a point then.. 

You need to stop BIC'ering.

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I live in an area deemed 'posh' by Watford standards (yeah, yeah).  The witch next door hates all men and is a constant moaning nightmare.  She complains if I breathe loudly.  The guy opposite is on year 4 of incredibly messy home improvements and has broken every planning rule in the book, but shouts racial prejudice if the council dares to accost him.  He's managed to piss off pretty much all the neighbours.  Doesn't really bother me; in fact I find his idea of 'tasteful' a constant source of amusement.  And in reality he's doing me a huge favour, as when I sell (soon, maybe) prospective buyers will see what they can get away with in terms of further extensions.

As I'm the go-to guy when cars don't start (or stop), most neighbours are quite tolerant of my frequent driveway tooling.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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I’m the last house in a village at the bottom of a half mile cul-se-sac at the end of a turning circle so it’s very quiet with no passing traffic. 6 houses in the turning circle and 2 are rented out (partly my fault as I used to own one of them and sold it to a chap who I knew wanted to add it to his rental portfolio) - one is rented by a young family who seem to have fallen out with everyone except us lol. The other is rented out by a chap who is as quiet as a mouse and says nothing to nobody - the only way you can tell he’s in during the summer is when you can smell he’s lit a Rastafarian Woodbine and the breeze is my direction - don’t know his name but rest of the neighbours have christened him Jamaica James. 

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk - that will teach us to keep mouth shut!

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He's obviously a plant.

Alcohol. Sex. Tobacco. Drugs. Chocolate.  Meh! NOTHING in this world is as addictive as an Evora +0. It's not for babies!    

The first guy to ride a bull for fun, was a true hero. The second man to follow him was truly nuts!   

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  • 2 weeks later...

A problem with rented properties is that very often the landlord themselves have very little regard for the neighbours. I have a few rental residential properties and, where appropriate, always include in the renters contract for them to carry out garden maintenance. It does mean you have to provide some basic tools and a mower but at least it keeps the neighbours onside. 

Most of the tenants are ok with that but I have needed to give one or two the occasional warning over the years. Doesn’t take much thinking about to keep everybody happy. 

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Neighbours are over rated.

Depending on where you live, usually in a town / city, you can have loads of neighbours but few "friends" as they are mostly acquaintance's.

But then you can live somewhere else, usually a bit remote, and have loads of friends but few neighbours and acquaintances.

Hope that makes sense. But in Seville right now. Just in a bar after a superb Bryan Adams concert and on my, errr, well a lot, of chilled Rioja....👍

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Alcohol. Sex. Tobacco. Drugs. Chocolate.  Meh! NOTHING in this world is as addictive as an Evora +0. It's not for babies!    

The first guy to ride a bull for fun, was a true hero. The second man to follow him was truly nuts!   

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2 months on and my neighbours still haven’t got their confused little heads around the bin collections. So rather than think it through, they have decided to just leave them permanently outside on their front lawn. This will of course kill the grass underneath, but since they have never mowed it in the 6 months that they have lived there, they won’t be too bothered. They’ve still not washed either car, one of which is collecting a fine array of bird shit on the roof. They’ve also decided that the one job that they did have to do themselves to survive is too much, so they are now getting Iceland to deliver their groceries.

God help them if they ever have kids...

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So millennial couple renting next door are no longer going to work due to the CV-19 restrictions. However, despite all the extra time on their hands, they are still unable to move their wheelie bin back the 10 feet from where the bin-man left it on Wednesday morning. This appears to be an unsurmountable weekly problem for them, so the rest of us have just got to recognise that this is how things will be.

They are also too busy doing “whatever” at home to join in with the weekly 1 minute applause appreciation for Care workers, which the rest of the cul-de-sac takes part in. Their neighbour on the other side is a frail old lady who has recovered from cancer and recent pneumonia. She has a poster on her front door, which confirms she is in the at risk category. However, it seems that millennial couple’s needs are indeed greater than hers, since they haven’t offered to help her with buying groceries or the like. Fortunately we have managed to do this for her. We are now concerned that we ought to also extend our offer of help to millennial couple, since they too must really be struggling to survive now that they can’t get a slot for supermarket home deliveries.

I would have popped over to see them this weekend, but unfortunately they have been out in their car all day Saturday and again on Sunday. The local supermarket must be very busy, since they have now been out for 5 1/2 hours! It was the same yesterday. I hope they are all right! My cynical wife thinks that they have just driven to their parents’ houses for a family get-together and to help themselves to a couple of big roast dinners with all the trimmings. Of course, this cannot possibly be true, because we have all been told by the Government to stay at home: unless that rule doesn’t apply to millennials of course.

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OK guys, due to the overwhelming public demand, here's a new episode of my sit-com Millenial Couple.

The bin men came on Wednesday morning to empty the landfill bins. I was always amazed how one man and one woman could consistently fill their landfill bin to overflowing within the two week collection period. In comparison, our family of four has only managed that in the week after Christmas with all the wrapping paper etc. Anyway, I have now worked out what they do. Our area has a 3 bin collection system: landfill, recycling and waste food. I have now realized that they put ALL of their waste in the landfill bin. Nothing goes in the recycling bin and I have never even seen them put out their waste food bin. This explains why their landfill bin is always full. Sadly stay-at-home Millenial Couple doesn't have the time to sort their refuse.

Anyway, their black landfill bin was emptied on Wednesday morning. It is now Sunday morning and the bin is still in exactly the same spot where the bin men left it. As you will see from the photo below, this is directly behind my Passat. Even though Millenial Couple have to walk straight past it every time they leave the house, they still haven't thought to move it. I imagine they will only do this when their kitchen bin needs emptying out. All previous tenants kept their bins hidden in the passageway behind that brown gate on the right and would bring them out weekly for collection. This is too much effort for Millenial Couple, so they now just leave them on the lawn outside their front door.

Finally, you may remember that they have never mowed their front lawn since they moved in 9 months ago. Well on Friday I was delighted to hear a lawn mower whirring away in their back garden. That's good, I thought, because I didn't know they even owned one. Anyway, Millenial Man finished the back garden and promptly put his mower away. It was clearly too much effort to open the garden gate on the left and spend another 60 seconds or so mowing the little front lawn that all the neighbours and passers by can see. So that tiny patch of grass on the other side of my Passat has not been mowed or tidied in any way for 9 months. Also take a look at the dead pot plants by the front door that the landlord left them.

Oh and don't get me started on the bizarre Mini parking...

Cm2N8sm.jpg

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Look at it from their standpoint though, Michael.

If they go out and cut it now, they'll only have some mouthy VW owner moaning about grass clippings all over the side of their car, :P :sofa:.

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All I can say is my neighbours, neighbour is a top bloke 😀

Amateurs built the Ark

Professionals built the Titanic

"I haven't ridden in cars pulled by cows before" "Bullocks, Mr.Belcher" "No, I haven't, honestly"

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  • 4 weeks later...

Apparently Millennial Couple think it’s OK to park their Mini like this. The vulnerable old lady next door, who owns the Volvo, has to gingerly squeeze into her own space without hitting it. I’m not sure she can even drive into her own garage now.

During the past 15 years, every previous tenant in that house has always reversed their vehicle nice and straight into that space, but not these two.


I5ncIRm.jpg

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That's very inconsiderate but the only way they'll stop is with a stern word. 

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On numerous occasions I have deployed my large trolley jack to resolve issues like this.  Possibly unwise and I don't recommend it, but a most satisfying and expedient solution.  And the jack handle is a nice deterrent.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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