Ex wives pain in my life

[Cdm2018 175]

On a slightly dark reaction 🙁

my decidedly dreadful ex wife commented at weekend that my truly extravagant lifestyle of owning a flash car , clothes , trainers etc which forms her regular arguments aimed at me this time centred around me paying more money to her as she wants to send our daughter to private school next year ! 
now I want the best for my daughter but here’s kettle calling pot black ... 

my ex has owned two Audi TTRs one in bright pink ! She now has Discovery and some weird jap k type car , lives in plus £1/2 million house with collection of miniature horses and goats , chickens , dogs and cats ! 
not to mention at every turn she tries her best to stop me maintain my relationship with my daughter ! 
Actually if she got COVID I wouldn’t shed a tear ! Now that’s awful thing to say but this narcissistic ex is pain in life ! 

[Barrykearley 6,972]

Seriously @Cdm2018 private schools aren’t great. My missus wanted to send ours - and I was absolutely resolute that it’s a bloody waste of money. 
Tell the witch to get a job and pay for it herself.

[Cdm2018 175]

20 minutes ago, Barrykearley said:

Seriously @Cdm2018 private schools aren’t great. My missus wanted to send ours - and I was absolutely resolute that it’s a bloody waste of money. 
Tell the witch to get a job and pay for it herself.

Yes Barry but this woman is demented ! She stops me in lockdown from seeing my daughter which breaches the court order I secured ! She claims she shielding as she had cancer some 4 years ago. She even claimed she was diagnosed with sickle cell disease and this could be passed onto my daughter ? Oh yes i know it’s a genetic disease and my ex is white European 😳  I could go on but no I am not selling my car but I will make sacrifices to find my share of the fees as I don’t want my daughters mind being poisoned against me 

[LotusLeftLotusRight 1,318]

Nothing against private schools, but I doubt parents have been getting value for money over the last two school years. Do they still have to pay the same fees for having their kids at home sat in front of the laptop like state schools?

[Barrykearley 6,972]

We have a few friends @LotusLeftLotusRight whom send their kids private - provision over lock down has been brilliant for them since day 1. The state schools have been a scandal - teachers (not all!) and unions should be utterly ashamed of their inaction - the government should have stuck the boot in hard and firm early on. Before the defenders pop up - just consider if nurses refused to work like teachers have.

One of the worse things you can do is allow the witch to ride roughshod over you on the @Cdm2018. It can be very hard - but being a parent is a long game chap.

[C8RKH 6,406]

@cdm2018 we thought about Private School and were so GLAD we did not. Let's just say my kids have turned out real nice. Are really happy. Are a real credit to us. Both have good jobs. Well balanced and the most important thing of all, they are dead happy!

It's not about the school. It never is. It's about giving your time to them, them knowing you are there for them, and you letting them know you'll support them to be the happy.

My very short view. Complete and utter waste of money and many state schools provide just as good an education, if not better. The one advantage some of the private schools have, is the network your kids might generate. But then, if that is what is really important to a parent then no wonder so many kids from private schools are so fooked up!

 

 

[Barrykearley 6,972]

3 minutes ago, C8RKH said:

The one advantage some of the private schools have, is the network your kids might generate.

Seriously - this is true with the true elite - at the very best schools. Not so at most though as frankly it’s full of middle class folks whom are almost bankrupting themselves to pay the fees.

[Bibs 11,377]

Err?

[Cdm2018 175]

Sorry to high jack the thread I think I will start a new thread in general chat 

subject : Ex wives  pain in my life 

[Cdm2018 175]

As I had high jacked another thread I thought I get some counsel and sense of reality from others?

I have ex wife from HELL ! She is a narcissist and almost everyday bombards me with messages or demands ! However she outwardly appears to be Mary Poppins which is false persona 

It’s all about control and power she had control of our daughter she knows she can manipulate the court order as she gets two bites at cherry before court will get fed of her antics and in meantime it costs me £ks in legal costs ! 
All this stress and anxiety over the 8 years since the divorce as caused me to have a stroke luckily I hadn’t suffered too many after effects 🤔

[C8RKH 6,406]

@Cdm2018 - just enjoy your beautiful red Evora. It's not really an extravagence so don't feel guilty and be their for your kid(s) when they need you.

Enjoy people's reactions to seeing your car and enjoy, when you can getting the kids in it so they can enjoy your not so guilty pleasure too.

[Barrykearley 6,972]

A good buddy of mine has an ex just like this. My advice then was to let her frustrate you and just keep sending it back to court.

She was a full on C##t - but in the end - the judge told her in no uncertain terms her behaviour was appalling and one more misdemeanour and she’s off to prison and they will place the kids with their dad. 
Sadly - the system is poor - but it is getting better and they are acknowledging poor female behaviour and the effects it has on kids.

Keep that car and have some pleasure for you. That’s not selfish - it’s life enjoyment. 
Be there for the kids - they grow up and have their own minds. My buddy’s kids have a far better relationship with him than they do the mum.

[Cdm2018 175]

Cheers Andy & Barry for your thoughts 

yes private school don’t necessarily make good people when they emerge and I worry as my ex a narcissist the image of your child going to private school promotes her ego and it’s nothing to do with getting a good education 

as for my daughter she loves the Evora she told my adult sons that when she learns to drive it will be Evora that will be hers ! lol 🤔😀

I will be writing an email to my ex clearly stipulating what I am going to contribute , however as usual my ex will ignore it as she does with court order , I  remember she called the judge an idiot when he declared my court order with daughter 

[Kimbers 1,835]

My mate was in a similar situation and in the end went to court where his Ex had his support cut because she was "Making unfair demands" and being unreasonable with what she was spending the money on (He proved she was out drinking 3-4 nights a week, heavy smoker, bought a flash car for new Boyfriend, shopped at Waitrose etc.

Get a good lawyer, she may get a nasty shock.

[RobinB5 277]

Private schools can be terrible places. I boarded from age 6 to 17, it was hell. Facilities are good, as you'd expect, but your kid will be bought up with a whole bunch of rich kids. Doesn't make for a wholesome environment. My kids go to the local comp. One went on to Oxford and got a 1st. Another went to Bath, got a 1st and is now doing a PhD. Academic achievement is as much about the child's attitude as it is about the teaching context and no amount of money can help the former, often the opposite.

[duncx 123]

Put your mind at rest regarding the 'poisoning your daughter's mind against you', the ex might try but it won't happen. Kids are amazingly perceptive and they have unconditional love for their parents. Keep calm with your ex, don't be negative about her in front of your daughter, give your daughter as much time & attention as you can  and she will see the truth - I'm certain of it

 

[Bibs 11,377]

Rachel works in education and from what I can tell from what she says, private education is more for the parents status than the kids learning. 

 

[jerzybondov 67]

Narcissists want engagement - best thing you can do is to try and remain as removed as you can emotionally from it and let the courts do the talking, if it's possible. 

[Cdm2018 175]

Yes read up on narcissistic people , I keep my contact to minimum however latterly she getting my daughter to call  me to tell me about the school fees etc. I don’t want to go down the court route as it’s can cost and courts are not operating at present also cases take months for hearing to be arranged 😮

[pete 1,900]

Private schools does seem to be a woman thing. Just because you pay doesn't make them better unless they are on the top ten

[Bazza 907 1,077]

Putting some balance back, I've found that for some children private education is absolutely the right thing for them.

The parents I know who send kids there do so for the best of reasons and it is genuinely financially painful for the vast majority.

Yes of course there are exceptions but to generalise that those who send their kids to private school do it for bragging rights is like saying that those who buy sports cars are doing it because they're lacking in the trouser dept. 

Clive, sorry about the issues with the ex.

[Cdm2018 175]

I have no massive objections to private schools, the place in question I know about and it’s decent ethos also saves me about 30 miles and hour in travel. 
what I fear is my ex manipulating my daughter to get me to pay for the extras which can seriously mount up in school life ? I need to and will do take a firm stance having already discussed with my 9 yr old realities of life when in comes to money  

[ChrisJ 1,488]

Our daughter is going to private school for 6th form from this September. She is both academic and sporting (has gained a sports scholarship to the school in question), and she should be able to thrive there.

It was the complete lack of teaching during lockdown 1 that has brought this about, plus the crap sporting ambition (despite fantastic facilities) from her current school. We have looked around locally for another state school, but the feedback we have received from parents from other schools is that they have not had any better experience.

Son (Y8) is staying at the state school, and we'll see how things are in a couple of years time, and his wishes for the future, before deciding if we would do the same.

 

 

[Bibs 11,377]

1 hour ago, Bazza 907 said:

is like saying that those who buy sports cars are doing it because they're lacking in the trouser dept. 

Do you want me to stop calling you "Bazza 14 Sports Cars" now then?

[tomcattom 244]

I'm obviously in the minority in this community as far as schooling is concerned. I went to private school and it was the best thing for me and was quite a sacrifice financially for my parents.

In terms of extra curricular activities, private school offered me experiences I'd have never had access to or considered if I'd gone to a state school.