Adoption

[Bibs]

For father's day this year my step-daughter asked if I'd adopt her.

Her biological father has been absent since she was about 2 and has had zero contact, she's 15 now. He's still about with several more abandoned kids and we know which country he lives in but that's about it. As you can imagine he's a piece of work and if contacted may just refuse for the sake of it. 

Had anyone any experience of adopting step-children or a similar situation?

 

[duncx]

No experience here Bibs but very best of luck if you decide to go ahead - a lovely thing to do for everyone concerned

[ramjet]

I can't help you with advice either mate as it would be different here to the UK anyway.

Quite an honour to be asked by her I presume.

[Barrykearley]

@Bibs this is simply a lovely thing - but do consider the wider implications that go alongside this though. University funding is one to consider - should she apply then you will have to declare your income details to SFE and they will assess her funding on your income.

[Dave Eds]

Think of all those Father's days to come mate, she can treat you to all your Le Mans trips forever.......

[Kevin Wheeler]

What a lovely thing for her to do. Must show that she considers you her dad. If you consider her your daughter and love her like one, why wouldn't you?

[Bibs]

13 hours ago, Barrykearley said:

University funding is one to consider - should she apply then you will have to declare your income details to SFE and they will assess her funding on your income.

Can't honestly imagine saying I'm not going to adopt her in case she doesn't get a uni grant!

[cweeden]

I think the point here is that there is a system, your legal status won't affect the love you have for each other but it may impact the support she is entitled to by the state or perhaps her legal guardian. I don't think for a moment this is a measure of your commitment, I will echo the comments on what a lovely act this is, good on you. 👍

[Barrykearley]

Only you can answer this one for yourself chap - you must do what’s right 👍

[Francisco Franco]

14 hours ago, Barrykearley said:

 this is simply a lovely thing - but do consider the wider implications that go alongside this though. University funding is one to consider - should she apply then you will have to declare your income details to SFE and they will assess her funding on your income.

Wise words

[DDubya]

She’s a lovely girl mate, you have a great relationship so hope all goes smoothly. 

[Bling]

12 hours ago, Bibs said:

Can't honestly imagine saying I'm not going to adopt her in case she doesn't get a uni grant!

Congratulations @Bibs, that is indeed a lovely gesture and an honour. 
 

Don’t worry about Uni. Payment of fees through a student loan do not need declaration of your income.
 

If you are looking for additional funding, there is a minimum grant of around 4k. If she wants any more, you would need to declare your income but she would not be eligible for more if you earn over 48k (I think). So if you do, no point in declaring anything and just claim the minimum. 

[Techyd]

What a wonderful thing for her to ask, she must value you very highly indeed!  I hope you can work this out as smoothly as possible.  If you've not come across it already, this site outlines some key steps and questions.

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/stepfamilies/stepfamilies-legal-information/adopting-stepchildren/

 

[Kimbers]

As you know I have 2 girls that call me dad and who are mine in every sense apart from I never did the adoption papers. Their father left when they were 3 and 5 (to escape he CSA and paying my wife maintenance. We had a letter just over 2 years ago saying they were unable to collect the £35000 back money owed). 

However he wouldn't have allowed any adoption by me. So I just stood up as a father and did the right thing. They call me dad, my oldest asked me to do her father of the bride speech at her wedding and I love them no differently and have never considered them any different from their brothers.

However don't listen to Barry Sorry Barry. My income WAS taken into account with their Uni loans mean testing  as I married their mother and lived with her. So that argument doesn't count.

It's lovely she has asked you to adopt her and with a totally absent father thats great. He may not reply, especially if you put on the adoption form "Address unknown". and it will all be fine!

But you don't need the piece of paper to be her Dad, you do that by example, goodness and being a Dad to her.

[RobinB5]

@Bibs, no experience of adopting, but if there is anything better than being a dad, I really don't know what that would be. it's such a primal responsibility and one that some men don't have the opportunity to experience. It's priceless to the extent where there is literally nothing better to spend your money on, or your love, commitment, devotion and support.

Whether you go through a legal process or not, being a father to any child is unsurpassed. I suppose legal confirmation would protect you from any untoward future occurrences, is all.

[ramjet]

I must admit that when I married Liz and took on my two daughters, 3 & 5, I never even considered the cost.

I married Liz and got two children as a side benefit. Never adopted them as their father would never have agreed.

Amy & Jessica never asked and it never mattered to me. I just have 3 daughters and a son.  

[Kimbers]

We are very similar My boys and girls have never ever said anything about half siblings and I don't think the thought has even crossed their minds. They all grew up together so consider themselves siblings end of. Likewise I had never thought of it till now reading this.