Coming to America

[Kimbers]

My Son is going to New York in Feb to see his Boyfriend and I could do with a little help, especially from those of you in NY or close to it.

Aaron is Autistic, he is not Street Smart at all, infact the opposite, he's very protected. Due to his Autism and lack of Smarts he absolutely doesn't see any bad in any situation, is not aware of his surroundings and will not listen to anything myself or my father say about being careful, trusting people etc.

He is adamant, he is going and refuses to stay in a "Known" Hotel Brand as there aren't any anywhere near where his Boyfriend lives.

His Boyfriend is in the Bronx and its a poorer part as well, Unionport close to Soundview. On the maps I have looked at with Red being Dangerous and Grey the best, the Area his BF is in is highlighted in Orange meaning Do not walk alone or go into at Night according to Google.

My question is this. Aaron is absolutely adamant he is going. he's 24 but has the Street Smarts of a Child. His Autism means he is in a world of his own a lot so not aware of whats going on around him most of the time. he doesn't have the money to take a Cab everywhere so plans on using Buses and walking. He thinks it will be like Rural Norwich.

Writing this I know how ridiculous it sounds he is going, but try and stop him! We can't and neither can his Grandad and at 24 years old he knows his own mind.

So please help me out. Give me some background Info I can give him and some reasoning to ensure he is safer. And if anyone can help by meeting him at the airport or after he gets there that would be awesome!

p.s. he won't ask for assistance at the airport or after as he feels he shouldn't get any special help due to his Autism. He says he has to stand on his own 2 feet like everyone else.

[Bibs]

Go with him, have an epic time

 

[C8RKH]

What @Bibs said. The planes are still quite empty going over the pond and so some good deals on flights and obviously hotels are desperate for business so again, some good deals.

Take Wendy. Take in a show, make it a nice wee break so that way your son in doing you a favour as it is giving you the chance to take Wendy away!

Hope it all works out.

[LotusLeftLotusRight]

Can’t his boyfriend pick him up from the airport? Seems the obvious solution to that particular problem.

[Sparky]

Absolutely the best way of doing this is by cab, but if that isn't viable then there are good bus services that are pretty cheap.

The Bronx is nowhere near as bad as it used to be.  I would recommend, though, that he doesn't stroll around on his own - especially at night.  But that applies pretty much anywhere nowadays.

I'd consider his vulnerable time will be during travel JFK (I assume) and where he's staying, but daytime bus transportation is OK in NYC.  Apart from that, he'll be fine as he's with locals.

I understand your concerns!  Last year, my sister and BIL unwittingly booked an AirBNB in a rough part of NYC, and I voiced some concerns.  Turns out the extremely dodgy locals liked them, looked after them, and gave them the time of their lives.

[Kimbers]

2 hours ago, LotusLeftLotusRight said:

Can’t his boyfriend pick him up from the airport? Seems the obvious solution to that particular problem.

Non driver apparently 

 

2 hours ago, Sparky said:

Absolutely the best way of doing this is by cab, but if that isn't viable then there are good bus services that are pretty cheap.

The Bronx is nowhere near as bad as it used to be.  I would recommend, though, that he doesn't stroll around on his own - especially at night.  But that applies pretty much anywhere nowadays.

I'd consider his vulnerable time will be during travel JFK (I assume) and where he's staying, but daytime bus transportation is OK in NYC.  Apart from that, he'll be fine as he's with locals.

I understand your concerns!  Last year, my sister and BIL unwittingly booked an AirBNB in a rough part of NYC, and I voiced some concerns.  Turns out the extremely dodgy locals liked them, looked after them, and gave them the time of their lives.

He's the sort of lad who will blunder into a gang area and not have the foggiest why someone has a knife pointed at him. He would then argue whoever it is into stabbing him. Actually I suspect he would get shot by a Police Officer as well. He could antagonise a block of wood and never backs down on his opinions "You're holding it wrong, you'll never get it through my coat like that......oh you did, but you shouldn't have done because the angle was wrong, If you tried again it wouldn't work...... oh it has, but you are still wrong". I know as I have had to bite my lip so many times with him.

[Bibs]

4 minutes ago, Kimbers said:

Non driver apparently

Non bus/train user too? 

[Kimbers]

Yeah, doesn't go out much apparently. Very shy and aware of his looks as he transitions. (Girl to Boy)

[Sparky]

They're a thick-skinned crowd up in the Bronx; even when he's rude they'll consider him oh-so-British and polite.  And his accent will be an asset.

[mdw]

How about a dummy run to somewhere in Europe,    might find out he can do it or  he might decide he needs a little help.        My son has an aspergers diagnosis  so to a much  lesser degree I get it.     At 18 he meet a German girl online and was flying there  every other week until covid struck.   He now rides to nothern germany  every 3 weeks on a motorbike for the weekend  to avoid being on a germ filled plane!!!.     If nothing else it incentivises them,   they need to work to earn to meet up etc.   

Its very hard to let them go isnt it.   He is probably more capable than you think after all you have seen  and dealt with every mistake he has made over the last 24 years and I imagine a lot  are seared  into your memory.   This might make him and if not now at 24 when?     Its not easy but at least you can track him via his phone etc and you are a call away not like 40 years ago.     Good luck.

 

    

[Kimbers]

Oh no that's far too simple, he's got a visa in case he decides to stay longer, he's booked his flights and a self catering apartment in the Bronx. This is happening in 2 weeks "no matter what we say or do"

I can't do anything with a phone he has a basic pay as you phone phone, not even a Smart phone. It doesn't even have a screen. He "Doesn't have any reason to have smart phone when he has a computer" and phone companies will only rip him off. Another one of his "things". And he "Has no intention to bother getting international calls, they are a rip off as well".

9 minutes ago, mdw said:

How about a dummy run to somewhere in Europe,    might find out he can do it or  he might decide he needs a little help.        My son has an aspergers diagnosis  so to a much  lesser degree I get it.     At 18 he meet a German girl online and was flying there  every other week until covid struck.   He now rides to nothern germany  every 3 weeks on a motorbike for the weekend  to avoid being on a germ filled plane!!!.     If nothing else it incentivises them,   they need to work to earn to meet up etc.   

Its very hard to let them go isnt it.   He is probably more capable than you think after all you have seen  and dealt with every mistake he has made over the last 24 years and I imagine a lot  are seared  into your memory.   This might make him and if not now at 24 when?     Its not easy but at least you can track him via his phone etc and you are a call away not like 40 years ago.     Good luck.

 

    

 

[mdw]

Let start from the point that I  would be crapping myself with worry as well.   BUT    you have to feel some pride that he has put together and organised all that and has the determiantion  to go through with it.     I know of  a number of neurotypical 24 ish year olds who can hardly do  thier own shoe laces  as they are too lazy or thick.    

Prepare him,   make sure he knows how to get hold of you and your details are in his passport.   Make sure YOUR passport is valid and ready to go.     And let him go,    he is going anyway with or with or without your blessing by the looks of it.

[Kimbers]

So my son has survived and thoroughly enjoyed himself. The family he has stayed with are Hispanic and he stayed in quite a bit to spend time getting to know his Boyfriend.

But they went to Broadway a few times, did some sightseeing and his pictures are hilarious. He didn't tell us that at 6ft 5-6in or so his Boyfriend was 5 ft 1in!! Talk about little and large!!

He flies back in tonight arriving early morning but just wanted to say it was all worry for nothing.....though now he needs to get a job and pronto!!

[Sparky]

That's it, he'll be hooked on the city for life.

[Kimbers]

How anyone can get hooked on living in or even near a City is beyond me. I hate having people around me even in a small village.

Within 20 mins driving is about right. Not to a City, to the next person!