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Your funniest moment of Esprit ownership?


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I do love owning my car and cherish some of the corkers people come out with, ie 'nice ferrari' and that, but the funniest has to be...

...when I first arrived home with the car, and my g/f's dad's partner taking a look. There it was, my Lotus Esprit in the driveway, next to her Ford Fiesta XR2 and she spent a good 5 minutes comparing the cars and convincing herself that they aren't really that different and her Fiesta was kinda like a supercar. :P


Took her out for a spin and her opinion changed pretty quickly then...


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A funny thing happened to me last weekend outside Marranellos in Egham. I took a neighbour for a drive and because the roads were sooo slippery it was amlost impossible to put the power down. The roads were'nt wet - just slimey. Any way walked through the showroom having a gawk at all the nice machinery, hopped back in the car and exited the car park. Got the car nice and straight and decided to put the foot down. Quickly realised that the car was not accelerating at all well and subsequently applied increasing power. Looked in the rear view mirror to see two large (thick) black lines all the way back to the carpark exit - some 100 meters + a little bit of added smoke for effect. Must admit looked pretty cool. :)

So if you're driving past Marranellos and see the long black art lines - you now know who created them B)

Simon  (94 S4)      My Esprit will be for sale in late 2017

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When I first got my car I parked it outside the shop, a customer came in and remarked.. "wonder whos the Ferrari is.. flash ba***rd", I assured him it wasnt a Ferrari and it was mine.. he bought 2 PCS off me :)


Im Brian and so is my wife

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I was recently at a open day by a tuner which was mostly attended by TVR's i parked the humble wedge at the end of the row of cars and enjoyed the days events. As we came to leave a father and son walked along the line of cars the son not much interested in what was to see untill he came across the lotus and his words were "aghhh dad look at that one thats a proper car" made me smile :)

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This past Saturday I got a call from my dad. he was at the Chevy dealer trading in his 01 Camaro SS for an o4 Corvette C5. So I proceeded to go to the dealership after running a few errands in the Esprit. I pull up and park next to the car my dad was buying. As I get my stuff together, I see my dad come out pointing to his new car. As I get out of the car, the entire dealership is now outside staring at my car. They all flew out like flys to sh!t. Ended up taking the GM of the store for a ride and he ended up giving my dad the tire and rim warranty for free.

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Well, a good time was when my car was parked next to a mates Porsche out side their house. Had a cup of tea, walked out side and there was a crowd of kids standing around the Esprit staring. Oi mate, is that a Ferrari? Ner, Kev, it's a Lotus innit!

The look on my mates face was priceless. "Why isn't anyone looking at my Porsche!!!" I drove off and everyone down the street was waving. B)

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Not really funny but certainly an uplifting moment!

After a full day TEN hours spent on the ferry to Jersey to collect my new GT3

I only had about 20 minutes to part with the cash and get the car to the loading ramp. All fingers and thumbs , didnt understand the alarm, not easy to feel the bite of the clutch, all new to me and the worst case scenario if you want to look an ice cool dude as if you were born to exotic cars!

You know what was bound to happen, stalling on the ramp ,alarm going off inadvertantly , cant find the window switches and looking a real prat with the eyes of the world on your every move as I am in the only decent car on the boat.

Jealous eyes are following every move. In a flurry of stalling ,lights flashing I am relieved to be able to park the car and fumble about locking up the car . Then a request to leave the car unlocked by the crew, I am mentally knackered and cannot wait to get to the bar, up to my cabin and dump my gear , Uh Oh on the Tannoy ( and I KNOW what they are going to say) Would the owner of Lotus No XXXXX please return to the car deck . All I want is a pint I have had enough of Car deck , parking , alarms ,stalling etc. I am at the car deck , the GT3 is mo ving about , handbrake not on , fix that and back up to the deck towards where the bar is ,to hear a great guffaw of laughter from some guys at the bar " Well who would own a Lotus anyway ?" followed by more peals of laughter.

I SAW the Crap that was loaded on the cardeck and there was a lot of young fellers half my age driving that boring porage about , I thought ,You guys can stand in the bar and take the piss and dream about owning an Esprit with not a hope in Hell of owning one . As I inwardly smiled to myself I thought . ... Yes every one of you bastards would give your eye teeth to own that car !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SMUGLY, :P:):):)

Mike 40

"Neglect not thy opportunities"

Martock ,Somerset. 1661

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Guest Troy Halliday

My friends still think it's highly amusing when the 'tin shakers' (people collecting for charity) aproach our group in the pub they all point at me and say "....ask him he owns the lotus!"

I wouldn't mind but I haven't even driven the damn thing yet! It's in a thousand pieces all round the garage, all of which are covered in a layer of fine blue dust. God I can't wait to get this car in primer :rolleyes:

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The night coming home from Dave Macenna's house at 3am-ish.

People had been calling it 'the ferrari' all bloody day long and I was in no mood to hang about - one of the few times I've blasted it down a road...tipped 120 when I saw the little hump in the down to about 90 before the apex where the car got very light (almost airborne) - fishy was worried but I think he was about to wack me up the head when I suggested we go back and try it again !

I dropped fish off and bladdered it back down the M2 cus I'd left the pets outside - doing about 120 again and wondering why all these other drivers were only doing about 60......'just' saw the little yellow box on the side of the road......brrrrraaaaakkkkkkkeeeeee !!!....managed to get it under the limit before I got to the box much to everyone's ammusement on the road.

One of the very very few times I actually drove anything other than cautiously - Best & funniest Esprit day.

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Not sure how funny this is, but it's certainly a little rude:

We were doing a "Boys on Tour" long weekend away in France with 2 Elises, my Esprit, oh and 19 motorbikes. It was a lovely sunshine filled day as we trundled towards LaRochelle (sp). Roofs were off the Elises and the glass panel of my Esprit was in the boot of the car. All the cars were ladened up with as much of the bikers gear they could carry to make it easier for the bikes to keep up (slightly tongue in cheek!)

We're making good progress heading for the night's hotel (with the usual spirited driving driving that is the norm on such occaisions) when Ian, my passenger, decided it was about time he moonied the following 'bikes that were spread out about a quarter of mile behind us. Standing on the seat he dropped his trousers and bared all to the following traffic. As the the 'bikes realised what he was doing there was much pointing, honking and laughing. The speeds crept up from about 80ish to around 120. All the time I can hear Ian shouting expletives and banter at the 'bikes as they roared past.

Eventually he flopped back down in the seat looking very flushed. It turns out he was shouting at me to slow down because he was convinced he was about get sucked out of the sunroof and onto the tarmac!

In the bar that night he proudly showed off the red line of bruises on the back of his thighs gained from the lip of the roof.

Shaun, who was riding a Fireblade, said that he won't forget the sight of Ian's cheeks rippling in the 100mph breeze while he was waving his arms around trying to regain his balance. "A bit like G force in reverse"

Mind you, there was some concern over what might have been waving around in the cabin of the car at my eye level...... :rolleyes:

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  • 3 months later...

Bear with me because six weeks later this is funny; at the time, well, I couldn't breath I was so frieghtened.

I had the local independant lotus guy take the engine out of my '84 Turbo, my Dad and I then towed it the 8 miles home so that I could recondition the rest of it.

Home safe I parked it on the driveway, put the handbrake on and remember thinking that won't have done anything as the rear discs are 8 miles away and the calipers are tied to the rear springs with wooden blocks stopping the pistons popping out. Chocked the rear wheels!!

Having convinced myself the car was not going anywhere I went through the back door and into the house, I was met by my Dad running the other way shouting. I ran out to find my car parked accross the main road with a truck inches from it.

My little sister had moved the chocks thinking they'd been left there by mistake. Lookily the car and truck had stopped moving with inches to spare.

No Damage... Thank you God!!!

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Easy answer,

The look on one of my work colleagues faces, as I put my foot down in second. He wasn't quite sure how to sit, but he was sure he didn't want to look forwards. He still refers to it as my rocket, and goes slightly ashen when he walks near it.

Second funniest is having to prove to another chap at work that it really hasn't got back seats (He has only ever owned Vauxhalls - three in his life and he's mid fifties). He genuinely thought that all cars had to have four seats. :D

Phil B

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  • Gold FFM

One of many:

Being late for a friends wedding on Loch Lomond - booting it on the A82 before the boat took off - big smile!. Parked the Esprit somewhat sideways (gravel) at the harbour and ran for the boat. When I got on the boat the minister extracts the urine about the flash git with the Lotus, making it part of his intro :D At least the man of God knows his cars!

Signature not working...

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Guest esprit geoff

One evening filling up the Esprit with Optimax at a Shell garage, a guy in the next car, if i recall correctly, a BMW X5, asks if I want to swap! Definitely not I replied. He praised the Esprit and then told me he has a neighbour who has an Esprit in his drive with a cover over it. He continued to tell me that every morning before the neighbour goes to work he goes up to his Esprit takes off the cover and stares at it. When he returns from work in the evening he does the same.

I chuckled to myself - yeh that's what we Esprit owners do!!!


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I arrive home with my dream car(1983 Turbo Esprit) and my wife comes out to inspect it. She points to the drivers door and asks "are those Morris Marina doorhandles?"...................... Wayne

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OK, I'll bite...

We'll forget test driving my SE with the hand brake on... :D

(This relates to a tech question thats just been asked,

and i figured i'd confess this before someone grassed!...)

The center caps on my SE's alloys were loose. This was very annoying because

they fit from the inside, so when they went loose they fell inside the alloy and you

had to take the wheel off to pop them back in.

I took the car over to my folks one sunday with the intent of glueing them in there

or finding some way of getting the weak plastic clips to actually hold them in.#

I saw this 'liquid metal' stuff on my dads shelf and thought "yep, that'll do!". i then

removed each wheel individually and applied this stuff to the center cap, then i

carefully put it in position and but the wheel back on before moving on to the next.

All four wheels were bolted back on and it was just a matter of waiting for this stuff

to set before i could head home. I washed my hands, made a cup of tea and

looked at my handywork...

My dad comes out from his workshop with a little yellow tube:

"Did you need the hardener son?" :D:D:P


:P Every wheel off again, every cap off, all the gunk off and on a bit of ply

(yes i'd used it all so needed to re-use it) , all mixed up properly (sets

instantly this time) and all wheels back on.

Happy :D

...until a tech post today reminded me they will need

to come out very soon for my wheels to be balanced :D

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Not being able to get the keys out of the ignition the first time I drove it. I had no idea there is a release button under the steering cowl.

Had to leave them in the ignition in the garage for three days until I got in touch with the PO who told me what to do :D


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Oh yeah. forgot about the test drive. Stalled twice, and made a right pigs ear of it to boot. What was worse was the wife went out, and drove perfectly (although I only have the chap who was selling it's word for this ;) )

Her most embarressing moment though, was soon after getting it, and being left with it as I went away on business. She dropped me at the train station, then went for petrol. . . . and of course couldn't find the petrol cap, or release (where as I had obsessively read the manual, she hadn't even glanced at it :D ). She then ring s awork colleague who goes out to help her (we work at the same place). Oh the coffee room was a joy the following day.


Phil B

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Oh yeah.  forgot about the test drive.  Stalled twice, and made a right pigs ear of it to boot.  What was worse was the wife went out, and drove perfectly (although I only have the chap who was selling it's word for this  :D )

Her most embarressing moment though, was soon after getting it, and being left with it as I went away on business.  She dropped me at the train station, then went for petrol. . . . and of course couldn't find the petrol cap, or release (where as I had obsessively read the manual, she hadn't even glanced at it  :D ).  She then ring s awork colleague who goes out to help her (we work at the same place).  Oh the coffee room was a joy the following day.


Phil B


;) You let your wife drive your car :D ...............

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Changing the oil on my newly purchased S3. Spent

Edited by rocket63

Caught between a rock and a hard place in a catch 22 situation, So its 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Your damned if you do, but your damned if you don't so shut your cock!!!!!!!!!!!

Lotus Espirt Turbo S3    

Lotus Esprit S4 

Lotus Elise S2 Sport 130


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