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Where to invest. What to do.


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I thought that those considering investing in shares should know about the new stock market terms being used in The City..

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake

himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,

the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the

market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets

equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the


YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per


WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo

@ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a


PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

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Lots of potential in the stock market at the moment. There are quite a few good Company's (with cash in the bank) at low share prices.

Also, I hear what you're say about the mortgage idea, but I wouldn't dismiss it. Reduce it and you reduce you monthly payments. You'll be richer in the long run.

I made it my mission (while interest rates were low) to pay off my Mortgage. I paided it off and I don't have one now :innocent:.

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You'll have to trust me on this... rumour has it that there are some good IFAs out there! :innocent:

The fact they get in at 04:45 following a big night out has absolutely no bearing on their current stress levels...

Oh, and unless you are prepared to take a long term view - 5 years plus - cash is king. Having said that I'm currently switching my cash positions back to equity, but I'm very stupid brave.

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I don't think you are mate. I just bought some more BT shares. As an income generator I got nearly 6% dividends this year and they are waaaayyyyy undervalued at present.

Possibly save your life. Check out this website.


Distributor for 'Every Male' grooming products. (Discounts for any TLF members hairier than I am!)

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