Gold FFM Popular Post Barrykearley 6,841 Posted April 25, 2020 Gold FFM Popular Post Report Share Posted April 25, 2020 2 4 Quote Only here once Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post march 811 Posted October 7, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 7, 2020 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gold FFM jep 849 Posted October 12, 2020 Gold FFM Report Share Posted October 12, 2020 Not my typo (off) or my joke: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mg4lotus 135 Posted October 12, 2020 Report Share Posted October 12, 2020 If you won it you obviously came first. Not your fault if the mrs can't keep up. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DDubya 162 Posted October 15, 2020 Report Share Posted October 15, 2020 I sprinkled these on my lawn and now the garden’s full of women licking double cream off their fingers (Guilty of Twitter theft) 1 Quote Out for a Blat or on the Allotment Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post mayevora 1,173 Posted October 23, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 23, 2020 1 3 Quote Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk - that will teach us to keep mouth shut! Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post Choppa 214 Posted October 23, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 23, 2020 TOOLS EXPLAINED DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t' DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.. TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity. Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. 1 3 Quote Normally Aspirated - and lovin' it! Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post mayevora 1,173 Posted October 26, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 26, 2020 1 3 Quote Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk - that will teach us to keep mouth shut! Link to post Share on other sites
mayevora 1,173 Posted October 28, 2020 Report Share Posted October 28, 2020 2 Quote Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk - that will teach us to keep mouth shut! Link to post Share on other sites
Kimbers 1,766 Posted October 29, 2020 Report Share Posted October 29, 2020 On 23/10/2020 at 21:34, Choppa said: TOOLS EXPLAINED DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t' DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.. TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity. Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. What are these "Tools" you speak of? 1 Quote Possibly save your life. Check out this website.http://everyman-campaign.org/ Distributor for 'Every Male' grooming products. (Discounts for any TLF members hairier than I am!) Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky 2,830 Posted October 29, 2020 Report Share Posted October 29, 2020 https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tool Quote British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland. And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden. Link to post Share on other sites
Kimbers 1,766 Posted October 29, 2020 Report Share Posted October 29, 2020 Are you calling me a Kanye? Quote Possibly save your life. Check out this website.http://everyman-campaign.org/ Distributor for 'Every Male' grooming products. (Discounts for any TLF members hairier than I am!) Link to post Share on other sites
Bibs 11,111 Posted October 29, 2020 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Kimbers said: What are these "Tools" you speak of? Pop in the bathroom and look at the mirror 1 Quote 88 Esprit NA, 89 Esprit Turbo SE, Evora, Evora S, Evora IPS, Evora S IPS, Evora S IPS SR, Evora 400, Elise S1, Elise S1 111s, Evora GT410 Sport Evora NA For forum issues, please contact the Moderators. I will aim to respond to emails/PM's Mon-Fri 9-6 GMT. Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post PaulCP 674 Posted October 30, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 30, 2020 It's my wife's birthday tomorrow and she has been leaving jewellery catalogues everywhere over the past week ... ....... so I have bought her a magazine rack! 1 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PaulCP 674 Posted October 31, 2020 Report Share Posted October 31, 2020 Last year I bought her a wheelbarrow for her birthday to save her having to carry bags of compost to the bottom of the garden. However, she fell over using it during the dark evenings so I bought her a head torch for Christmas! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gold FFM C8RKH 6,229 Posted October 31, 2020 Gold FFM Report Share Posted October 31, 2020 When we first got together decades ago during our first xmas the pressie I got was a Black & Decker workmate. Bloody brilliant! 1 Quote Alcohol. Sex. Tobacco. Drugs. Chocolate. Meh! NOTHING in this world is as addictive as an Evora +0. It's not for babies! The first guy to ride a bull for fun, was a true hero. The second man to follow him was truly nuts! Link to post Share on other sites
tim_marra 469 Posted October 31, 2020 Report Share Posted October 31, 2020 Workmate. A Ron Hickman classic 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PaulCP 674 Posted October 31, 2020 Report Share Posted October 31, 2020 @C8RKH ditto, she got me one for our 1st Xmas after getting married (my wife not yours ) Strange thing is it’s been in reasonably regular use during lockdown some 40 years later Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post pete 1,791 Posted November 1, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 1, 2020 CAN ADMINS OF THIS PAGE DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 11 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK WON'T TURN OFF. 3 1 Quote hindsight: the science that is never wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Bibs 11,111 Posted November 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2020 1 1 Quote 88 Esprit NA, 89 Esprit Turbo SE, Evora, Evora S, Evora IPS, Evora S IPS, Evora S IPS SR, Evora 400, Elise S1, Elise S1 111s, Evora GT410 Sport Evora NA For forum issues, please contact the Moderators. I will aim to respond to emails/PM's Mon-Fri 9-6 GMT. Link to post Share on other sites
march 811 Posted November 5, 2020 Report Share Posted November 5, 2020 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pete 1,791 Posted December 27, 2020 Report Share Posted December 27, 2020 2 Quote hindsight: the science that is never wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Gold FFM jep 849 Posted January 4 Gold FFM Report Share Posted January 4 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gold FFM thebartman 101 Posted January 12 Gold FFM Report Share Posted January 12 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post pete 1,791 Posted Friday at 20:43 Popular Post Report Share Posted Friday at 20:43 2 3 Quote hindsight: the science that is never wrong Link to post Share on other sites
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