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I've calmed down now


andydclements

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It's taken a while for me to calm down enough to type about it without ranting, so here goes.

I was supposed to help a mate re-attach the under tray to his Skoda yesterday, so needed the big ramps (carstages) out, it also meant I needed his car to be on the ramps, so I moved the Esprit onto the road. At the time I moved it out there were no spaces near mine, so I drove it to another part of the lane and parked legally and safely (not on corner etc). The daughter of a resident felt I should park elsewhere as she wanted to have another car park near her car, I had left two car lengths away from her car so felt I need not move. I'd also left one car length behind mine. If somebody wished to park there they could, but it was on a bend in the road, so a space there makes it easier to see oncoming cars (it's the end of the lane, so not really necessary). She asked that I park elsewhere, I declined. I walked off home (a couple of hundred metres, but a U shaped journey. A few mins later I hear a small petrol engined car revving the engine highly under load for a prolonged period. I had a feeling that the moany old woman in question might be stupid enough to do something, so I popped out in my other car and drove past, sure enough my Esprit had been moved. I guess she used her Fiesta to push it along, I had only applied the hand brake enough to stop it rolling if somebody pressed on it and the wheel was close to straight ahead.

I have reported it to the police, not that they can do anything, there is only very superficial damage to the bumper and nobody witnessed it, but better it's on record.

This is the same moany old woman who went to the local DVLA to enquire if my Excel was taxed and then contacted the police who said there was nothing wrong with me having my taxed, insured and MOTed car parked where it was.

The Elf is getting close to going on the road, due to a new (old but new to me) carb having been fitted and it seems to run now. That will mean I have three cars that could be legally parked on public roads. maybe i9t's time for the Landy to get done as well. Try pushing that with a Fiesta.

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Not many things wind me up Andy, but that would sure press my buttons!

Police is the right way to go (pity you didn't have a rear facing camera running)

Would only take about 4 people to put a Fiesta on it's side. But I wouldn't condone that sort of behavier, honest ;)

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk - that will teach us to keep mouth shut!

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The only answer...

ZSU-23-4P-Shilka-1S.jpg

If someone did that to my car, I'd be knocking on there door with a hammer...

88 Esprit NA, 89 Esprit Turbo SE, Evora, Evora S, Evora IPS, Evora S IPS, Evora S IPS SR, Evora 400, Elise S1, Elise S1 111s, Evora GT410 Sport

Evora NA

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Ah, good neighbors. Reminds me of a story, for which the statute of limitations has I'm sure run out, so...

When I lived in Buffalo for a summer during college in '85, I had a neighbor across the street who defined "white trash." His favorite pastimes were, in no particular order, abusing and underfeeding his dog, playing handball against the house I was renting an apartment in, revving his 1970 Chevy Chevelle at 2:00AM while drunk and doing a lame rebel yell, and smacking around his girlfriend. Side note--his Chevelle was always in gray primer. All "discussions" with him about his behavior ended up with implied violence from him or mild property damage to our house or cars (mine got keyed). Visits by the police did nothing.

So one day, some friends in the apartment below and I decided we'd unglue his mind by implementing "Operation Kindness," which was launched our last weekend in Buffalo before going back to school for the fall semester, 50 miles south in Fredonia, while the guy was in Niagara Falls for the weekend to "get it on with some Canadian hooker meat" (that's a quote from his girlfriend, who he left behind) for which he hitched a ride in his friend's GTO, thus also leaving the Chevelle behind.

First, we abducted his dog (untagged) and sent it to the vet for a checkup and then sent it to a shelter. Then we and our girlfriends spoke with his girlfriend, who was flat broke and from Albany (our hero was a native Buffalonian). We gave her $100 each, helped her pack, put her on a bus home, and the father of one of my downstairs neighbors, who happened to be a regional manager in Albany for McDonald's, had a job waiting for her. Then we used a friend's flatbed to remove his car and had it painted pink at his shop. And stenciled purple flowers on it with Krylon. We also put Krazy Glue in all his house locks. (Should have done the car locks too, but we didn't think of it at the time.)

If it had been today, we would have caught his triumphant return from Canada on tape and it would be guaranteed to have gone viral on Youtube. Anyway, first, he simply went completely insane. Utterly deranged, enhanced by the fact that his "friend" was laughing at him. Then he tried to get in the house, assumed his girlfriend had locked him out, broke down the door with the tire iron from his car, realized she'd left for good, came outside and put on the "insanity afterburners" and proceeded to beat the snot out of his Chevelle with the tire iron. At that point, the cops, who we'd called about 2 seconds after he saw his car, showed up and attempted to restrain him. He was told to spread eagle on the hood of his car, but couldn't contain himself and turned around to get in the face of one of the cops. The cop was old enough to be his father. Nevertheless, the cop clocked him upside the head so hard that he went right back down on the hood, which was now a mixture of pink, purple flowers, and blood. Then they took him away. According to someone we knew down the block, he spent a week in jail and then moved out. His ex-girlfriend ended up being a store manager.

So sorry for the rant, Andy, but I urge you to paint her Fiesta in black and red, Von Dutch style, in the middle of the night and see what happens. Then post the photos in the TLF gallery. Only good things can come of it.

Edited by Moxie

1983 "Investor's Special Edition" Turbo Esprit (#43/50) | 2012 Evora S

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Off to the scrap yard and buy a heap (Cash) with a V5, preferably something rusty and heavy, with no wheels.

Send off the V5 with her name and address.

Deliver said car outside her house at 2 am.

Relax after a job well done.

:thumbsup:

Lotus Esprit S4 - Work in progress

Porsche 924 Turbo - Parts chaser

Smart Roadster Coupe - Hers

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Lol, good one Rich!.

Andy. Try calling me and Stripey (whos not so stripey these days) and we'll come round. Between us I reckon we could lift her motor and move it to a double yellow lined area, then call the old bill and report it.

Either that or we wait for the next cold spell and use a syringe to spray water into her locks! Done that one before.

Some people are idiots. I know your surrounding area well and think I know where you mean. Some people are just idiots and deserve everything they get.

Possibly save your life. Check out this website.
http://everyman-campaign.org/

 

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There is nothing more annoying than a Fiesta that won't start in a morning when you are in a rush, and that sort of woman is always in a rush, Old but very simple is the spud up the tail pipe, ( pushed out of site so unable to notice even by an AA man ) Very effective and won't point back to you..... if done correct , the least it will do is blow the back box to bits, or if it leeks past ,reduces performance drastically, Usually low compression engines like fiesta , start, then stall never to start again. Great fun to watch :animier: without the comeback.... eventually the clever mechanics decide the cat.. has failed and fit new, along with system to cover their mistake, She ends up out of pocket and belives the car was at fault,..... It does not make up for her disgracefull behaviour.. :popo: ...but it will put a smile on your face..... :rofl:

PS.. Leave for 12 months before repeating as the guarantee reduces the financial impact, and we don't want that do we....

Don't get mad......get even..!!!

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Front wheel drive. Easy one. Get under there in the dark of night with some of that real heavy duty string. Tie to driveshaft, up over any sort of wiring and then back down to the driveshaft. Leave slack in the string. Wait for her to move that off. Somewhere in the middle of the lane, it's all going to come to a halt.

All we know is that when they stop making this, we will be properly, properly sad.Jeremy Clarkson on the Esprit.

Opinions are like armpits. Everyone has them, some just stink more than others.

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Slight refinements on the "buy a heap" strategy..... 1) buy several heaps and register them in her name. Don't bother with tax, MOT, insurance....park them illegally somewhere. Then wait for the fines to come through........2) use totally legal vehicles and park them, legally, nose to tail outside her house......in this case, ancient Transits are good, especially Lutons as they can provide a real diminution in the light getting to her house!

Scientists investigate that which already is; Engineers create that which has never been." - Albert Einstein

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All of the above are good,

I used to find that investing in the tool that removes the centre of valves is a good idea!!

Don't let all the tyres down just one.................each day for a week or so, it becomes very irritating when you have to change the wheel everytime you wnat to go somewhere and are constantly being told there is nothing wrong with your tyre!!!

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There is nothing more annoying than a Fiesta that won't start in a morning when you are in a rush, and that sort of woman is always in a rush, Old but very simple is the spud up the tail pipe, ( pushed out of site so unable to notice even by an AA man ) Very effective and won't point back to you..... if done correct , the least it will do is blow the back box to bits, or if it leeks past ,reduces performance drastically, Usually low compression engines like fiesta , start, then stall never to start again. Great fun to watch :animier: without the comeback.... eventually the clever mechanics decide the cat.. has failed and fit new, along with system to cover their mistake, She ends up out of pocket and belives the car was at fault,..... It does not make up for her disgracefull behaviour.. :popo: ...but it will put a smile on your face..... :rofl:

PS.. Leave for 12 months before repeating as the guarantee reduces the financial impact, and we don't want that do we....

Don't get mad......get even..!!!

spud doesn't work... it just comes shooting out of the tail pipe.

Now... instead get some Iron oxide and work it around some magnesium ribbon. Light said ribbon and this sets of the reaction where the iron oxide gets very hot. Hot enough that if you were 16 and stupid and put it on a car bonnet it would eat it's way through the block and take a sizeable chunk out of the pavement.

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The thermite reaction is a bit O.T.T. isn't it?!! They use it for welding rails on the railway....impressed by the sheer idiocy of starting the reaction on a car bonnet!! Bet it looked good....

Scientists investigate that which already is; Engineers create that which has never been." - Albert Einstein

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Handful of frozen prawns stuffed in the little grill at the base of the windscreen should be quite potent after a couple of days....

Or maybe some nice, mature, strong cheese?

Lotus Esprit S4 - Work in progress

Porsche 924 Turbo - Parts chaser

Smart Roadster Coupe - Hers

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Or maybe some nice, mature, strong cheese?

This is my favorite.

PALIN: It's a bit runny sir.

CLEESE: I don't care how excrementally runny it is--hand it over with all speed so I can stuff it in a Fiesta grill!

1983 "Investor's Special Edition" Turbo Esprit (#43/50) | 2012 Evora S

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I say the old classic of car on bricks with no wheels works well every time.

And yes I am amazed by the comments from a lot of you guys. Making notes of the neighbourhoods so I don't make a faux pas in them any time in the future.

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and it is all organized by the Italians.

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Polyester resin (the kind you get in gallon jugs at boating-supply places for glassfibre repairs) works a treat. If you can get under the bonnet, pour a bunch of resin into the crankcase. Everything will be fine until the resin reaches a certain temperature, at which it will crystalise...and by then it will be everywhere that the engine's oil is...

Another handy trick is to find a container small enough to drop down the fuel filler (not as easy as it used to be in USA due to the small hole for unleaded nozzles that became standard in the 1970s...not sure how big your fillers are). Fill the container with powdered borax, seal with cellophane tape, drop down the filler and *RUN!!!*

"If you can't fix it with a hammer, it's electrical." -somebody's dad

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Jack the front of her car up, place some suitably sized bricks or bits of wood under the suspension arms and lower the car back down again. If you've got the size of the blocks just right then the front tyres will not quite be touching the ground but nothing will look out of place. Get the blocks as close to the wheels as possible to help hide them.

When she gets in the car she'll rev the nuts off it and wonder why it doesn't move.

Award yourself bonus points if she actually calls the AA out without noticing the bricks.

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you could also but a hose inside the window frame and fill it up or a fire extinguisher (dry powder works well) better still wet the interior then use the dry powder

pitty its not an older escort as you could have taken the prop shaft off, perhaps im giving too much away

Edited by mr.oogieboogie

It's Oogies turn to boogie

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