Bahar Suspended

[Stirling_Villeneuve]

That'll go to Chris Evans then!

[Bibs]

http://sniffpetrol.com/2013/03/13/an-update-from-dany-bahaha/

 

Hello believers.

You have not heard from me for a while. Do not be alarmed. Everything is under control. Naturally, after this period of deliberately minimalist communication you will have some questions. Is The Plan still in place? Does The Bahaha Excellence Automotive Premium Lifestyle Excellentiness Group still operate from room 231 of the Premier Inn at Norwich Airport? Did I, Dany Bahaha, invent scissors? The answer to all of these questions is, yes.

As you may recall, the foul unbelievers at Lotus sought to deny the world the genius of The Plan. They also said some unkind things about my hair. However, I can assure you they underestimated Dany Bahaha and they underestimated my ability to launch six brand new premium excellence lifestyle aspirational heritage brand excellence optimal excellence sports cars all at once. I am capable of this, just as I was capable of writing the song Yesterday. I also played drums on it.

There has been good progress on The Plan. However, that progress is now stalled by funding issues that I am working to resolve. If only the fools at Lotus would give me the money I deserve all would be well. Instead, they refuse to honour this transaction and have told me I am ‘full of shit’. It is to be expected. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. You might remember those words from the film Pulp Fiction. I wrote that. It is originally a quote from The Bible. I wrote that too.

My loyal friends, I need you to help me whilst the vile infidels at Lotus continue to undermine me at every turn and say my hair makes me look like ‘a well kept lesbian’. The financial situation at Bahaha Excellence Automotive Aspirational Lifestyle Heritage Premiumosity Group is in a state of flux and needs some temporary cashflow to ensure smooth running. Without this, Jan the duty manager (Mondays to Thursdays although she sometimes covers Sundays too) says she cannot allow me to remain on the premises. Do not disappoint me, true believers. In return for your donations I will personally arrange for Mickey Rourke and Brian May to come to your house. They are my friends. Friends do not need to return calls.

Keep drinking the Kool-Aid.

L. Ron Bahaha

[Suddabym]

Ever since Dany escaped the Bunker by hiding in the chemical toilet, I have missed him. I still don't know what to do with the 17 family jars of Vaseline he left behind. Bless that awesome guy. I still have his leopard-skin underpants. Framed. In my Baharthroom. Along with the Vaseline.

It is so good to hear from him. I'll bet he is still completely epic.

Wadda guy.

D'you think we should organise a collection? He did build 6 new Lotus cars, that looked like Lotus cars and really nearly were Lotus cars except for not being Lotus cars, of course. I heard he was going to build a 7th Lotus car, that wasn't actually a Lotus car, but he decided to rest instead.

And, have you seen his baby seal-leather slippers? I mean, come on, we have to do something. They don't grow, on, er trees, you know.

Dany - man, I miss that guy.

Awesome.

Sudders

[Mark Blanchard]

Wonder if Dany will be using the new Lotus Deodorant?

 

[Suddabym]

Well I know I certainly will be.

Awesome.

[Kimbers]

Bloody Hilarious Bibs, thanks for that!

[Bibs]

No!

[Bibs]

The helicopters he flew in were based out of Long Stratton, and there are no outstanding bills. 

 

The still owe me my one single expense claim I've ever made to them from Oct '11! 

[Moxie]

I just want to know what helicopter Swizz flew in.

[Bibs]

Da Swizzycopter, innit

[basalte]

David St. Hubbins: "It`s such a fine line between stupid and uh....."

 

Nigel Tufnel :  "clever"

 

David St. Hubbins :"Yeah, and clever"

[Kimbers]

I think you'll find there was an outstanding bill for a private plane to be parked at Norwich Airport.

 

Whether it's been paid or not I don't know.

[Stirling_Villeneuve]

Personally I'd take DB any day over the shower we've got in charge now. At least the ride would be exciting... 

[neill1607]

Love him or hate him, you've got to thank him for the work he did in getting the Lotus name on the top step of F1!

[Stirling_Villeneuve]

Yep, it was great watching the news last night, seeing the Lotus roundel in full view and hearing the words' Lotus' again and again. That's the sort of coverage and exposure DB was after and with the associated hype who knows... he might just have pulled off the financing.

 

As it stands I'll be interested to see if they hit the news later for other less happy reasons... or if not today maybe next week, or next month. 

[fmxa]

He certainly had a vision for Lotus that DRB seem to be lacking

 

Love him or hate him, you've got to thank him for the work he did in getting the Lotus name on the top step of F1!

[Bazza 907]

He certainly had a vision for Lotus that DRB seem to be lacking

 

 

With money it's easy to have a vision

[Stirling_Villeneuve]

Sometimes you need the vision to get the money and Sunday's performance looks like part of DB's long term strategy was beginning to pay off...  somehow I don't see DRB capitalising on it in the same way DB would have done. 

[Kimbers]

He didn't have the money for long!

 

His strategy never did and would never HAVE worked. There wasn't enough money, he was too disorganised jumping from one project to another, he didn't understand cost management, running an automotive firm, listening to good advice or the design, development and manufacturing process. All he understood was Marketing and brand development.

 

Whilst it's a good advert for his true skills that you guys would rather have him back, it's also a testament to peoples lack of understanding exactly what he has done to Lotus. 

 

All of the issues Lotus have are due to the person you talk about with fondness. MJK left a company with no debts, in profit for the first time in 10 years, with it's first new model in the same period and some great profitable sub-models like the 2-11 (which was a real money spinner). In 3 years DB built up a debt of more than what the company is worth, systematically took apart any profitable area's like design and engineering and cancelled or destroyed, through comment, all the other models. Only reinstating things like the Exige after pressure from other area's.

 

I'm trying not to be critical of you guys and I know DRB may be a little too cost focussed, but NONE of the DB visions would have happened. The fact DRB have had to cancel them should be an indication that they were hopeless cases!!

 

Stirling you know I have utmost respect for you but one GP win from a team DB sponsored is really not the culmination or a sign his plan was working. It was a sign his targetting was good with his marketing.

[Bibs]

I don't think a car company can get any better PR from winning an F1 race though, can they?

 

There's a news article on the Lotus homepage and some facebook/twitter traffic since Kimi's win. Other than the Lotus name and logo all over worldwide TV from Sunday, what should DRB/Proton/Lotus be doing to capitalise on the win?

[Stirling_Villeneuve]

Top step on the podium all around the world... that sounds to me like DB's strategy was working pretty damn well and on schedule.... and marketing was a huge part of DB's plan. 

 

I've no idea what the future holds for Lotus but aside from DB's legacy on the F1 circuit theres nothing to get excited about. Shame I can't place an order for one of DB's new cars... 

Edited March 19, 2013 by Stirling_Villeneuve

[Kimbers]

I always suspected he would have killed for half of what DB had and you would have had a new Esprit and an all new Elise Exige by now...plus a all new Supercar on the way.

 

Ahh well.

 

No matter what everyone thinks, if you love Lotus then you must support DRB. Even when I was at my most critical of the previous management I always wanted the company to survive and people to keep their jobs. It's pretty much essential to my local economy where I live!

[Stirling_Villeneuve]

Indeed... at the end of the day we all care about the marque and want it to survive. DRB don't inspire confidence though, I've no idea why they didn't sell the company once the first year was up and I doubt we'll ever be any the wiser. 

[Bibs]

Current homepage poll...

 

[Kimbers]

Indeed... at the end of the day we all care about the marque and want it to survive. DRB don't inspire confidence though, I've no idea why they didn't sell the company once the first year was up and I doubt we'll ever be any the wiser. 

Maybe they see potential?