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Things about the USA I've learnt


Bibs

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  • Gold FFM

A strip of 'bacon' is about the same as a Frazzle.

Decent bacon is unobtainable, as is cheese that hasn't been procesesed.

Sausage 'links' are the size of a small chipolata, one of the few things that are actually smaller.

Anything in a bun is called a sandwich.

Crisps are called chips.

Biscuits are not what you think they are, and neither is gravy.

You will not physically be able to finish the "Meal for One" at any fast food outlet.

When dealing with any kind of official, do not under any circumstances, cross 'The Line'. Crossing 'The Line' is an affront to the nation, and a capital offence. You will be arrested, thrown in jail, and gang-raped

Do not move forward in a queue unless called forward. This is a heinous crime, and punishable by death.

In the event that McDonald's ever ceases trading, there are unfortunately countless more such businesses to take its place.mthe same applies to KFC.

Margate Exotics.

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  • Gold FFM

Which are you, boy?

Ah, I must take issue with Ian.  Only Americans know how to do bacon properly.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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  • Gold FFM
13 minutes ago, Sparky said:

Only Americans know how to do bacon properly.

What a load of nonsense, American bacon is, in my humble opinion, bloody awful.

Now home made pies (apple, blueberry, pecan whatever) is really something they do well.

Alcohol. Sex. Tobacco. Drugs. Chocolate.  Meh! NOTHING in this world is as addictive as an Evora +0. It's not for babies!    

The first guy to ride a bull for fun, was a true hero. The second man to follow him was truly nuts!   

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  • Gold FFM

Nah.  Bacon.  Not that greasy, floppy shite they serve over here.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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  • Gold FFM

I love American tarts!

Sparky, their bacon is over processed tasteless muck. In fact just about sums up 90% of American food, apart from the fruit TARTS.

Alcohol. Sex. Tobacco. Drugs. Chocolate.  Meh! NOTHING in this world is as addictive as an Evora +0. It's not for babies!    

The first guy to ride a bull for fun, was a true hero. The second man to follow him was truly nuts!   

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  • Gold FFM
1 minute ago, Sparky said:

Nah.  Bacon.  Not that greasy, floppy shite they serve over here.

You must be some kind of foreigner. A proper Englishman would prefer proper bacon.

Oh wait, you're from Watford. OK, that's explains it.

Margate Exotics.

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  • Gold FFM

Bacon should be nice like thin gammon steaks.

the yank stuff, and in fact most foreign stuff, is streaky greasy overlooked junk.

if you wants jerky - buy some - it's just not bacon as we know it

Only here once

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  • Gold FFM

No taste, you Brits. Floppy bacon, yellow brake pads - where will it end?

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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  • Gold FFM

With Brexit and us at the back of the queue. Until of course America needs to invade somewhere again then we'll be ushered to the front of the queue as usual.

Alcohol. Sex. Tobacco. Drugs. Chocolate.  Meh! NOTHING in this world is as addictive as an Evora +0. It's not for babies!    

The first guy to ride a bull for fun, was a true hero. The second man to follow him was truly nuts!   

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Having always thought of "America" as a country, it came as a bit of a surprise to me...back in 1978, whilst wandering about there with "suitcase and guitar in hand" to quote Paul Simon....that the whole idea of "America" being a country was wrong. It is really a bunch of seperate countries, with seperate laws, and a common foreign policy. Crossing state lines takes you from one world into another....this became apparent on the Greyhound bus. In some states you weren't allowed to smoke, in others you could in the last few rows of seats...some allowed alcohol on the bus, some didn't, some allowed you to drink it on board!! All the same people travelling on the same bus; very confusing. In Wisconsin there were Cheese Shops which only sold strange yellow "American Cheese".... Traffic signs were often perforated by gunfire. If you were drinking in a bar, the bar would - from time to time - buy YOU a drink....this is something that should spread! Some places you could turn right through a red light... The only decent bacon I found in North America was at Buchanan's in Vancouver!

All the people, though, seemed friendly wherever I went....

Scientists investigate that which already is; Engineers create that which has never been." - Albert Einstein

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Cars only jump in the presence of seemingly innocuous piles of cardboard boxes (or small shrubby bushes) placed conveniently in the path of said jumping vehicle.

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