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Win an Elite / Eclat workshop manual! (sort of)


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Picked this up a few years back when i intended to restore one.  No binder, but the pages are obviously original and in excellent condition.  Looks like a full set but no guarantees!

I find first come, first served rather boring, so let's have a laugh.  Tell me in 100 words or less how owning this would change your life.

Rules:

1. Amuse me.

2. Amuse as many as you can, as the winner will be determined by number of likes

3. Competition closes 22 January

4. There is NO rule 4

5. Method of delivery to be established, at winner's cost

Fill yer boots...

IMAG1907.jpg

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British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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For the purpose of obtaining a genuine manual. My binders there, but the pages are blank, a man can help but my reasoning's blank. To send the goods would be so kind, and keep me in a perfect fra

I have a friend who has this car, Which he likes to drive but not too far. Only to the local – Red Lion or Holybush, Cos home is downhill and it’s easy to push. He has a ga

Look I'm absolutely not having another lotus car.. no I'm not.....Ive told the wife I won't......... I shall most certainly not be considering buying another car um tomorrow....no no no I won't be.

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I typed an application for ownership of this but most of it was abuse and would offend certain forum members so deleted it. All I can say is I agree to abide by rule 4.

 

Trevor.

I'll get around to it at some point.

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To be fair, you rarely get past Rule 1.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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have just deleted my very funny 90 word riposte because what on earth would i do with the prize if i won it

hindsight: the science that is never wrong

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Donate it to an unfunny Elite/Eclat owner?

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British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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Trouble is, he's funny.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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1 hour ago, Barrykearley said:

Look I'm absolutely not having another lotus car.. no I'm not.....Ive told the wife I won't......... I shall most certainly not be considering buying another car um tomorrow....no no no I won't be.

i think 3 would be pushing it - maybe this time next year Rodney 

Mmmm, I guess you have never seen the film Pinocchio, or looked in a mirror after having made the above statement to SWMBO, or when you have tried explaining to the accountant, the bank manager or the tax man. Oh and that invisible car you went to view last week really does not exist other than a figment of your imagination. 

P.S. Rodney was a fictional character, a bit like your promise not to have 3 car's.

 

:):)

 

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Oooh, we have a leader.

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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I don't need one as I have just obtianed one, but i couldn't resist.

In the beginning Barry created a Manual and a Garage.
And Barry said,
"Let there be Car,"
and there was Car.
Barry saw that the Car was good,

He no longer needed the manual, so
He sends it to you as a gift for your restoration.
And what a happy restoration!

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He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

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British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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An Ode to Barry.

Oh, A naughty boy with a V8, what on earth can he create, lot's of swearing, broken skin, I think the time is now with him, to have a binder full of text, so the poor man, knows what to do next.

 

:):)

:sofa:

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If I owned this, it would change my life for the simple fact that I don't need it. I don't have an Elite or Eclat, or even know of any for sale where I live.

So, getting back to the manual in question. It would force me to go outside into the scary world to get a binder. Or maybe I could get one on eBay so I don't have to leave home. You know the saying, Never leave home without it. I could possibly use the pages to make paper planes or could use some of them for origami frogs or cranes. If I tied the pages together with some string, I would have a nifty doorstop that may start a conversation. That would be if I ever got visitors.

Other than that, I would probably just say give it to someone over there that is deserving of it.

I think that is about 170 words, give or take.

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All we know is that when they stop making this, we will be properly, properly sad.Jeremy Clarkson on the Esprit.

Opinions are like armpits. Everyone has them, some just stink more than others.

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On 1/15/2017 at 20:30, Sparky said:

Maths teachers too...

It was 170 before I edited a bit off and forgot to change the number.

Now 150.

Picky git. :P

All we know is that when they stop making this, we will be properly, properly sad.Jeremy Clarkson on the Esprit.

Opinions are like armpits. Everyone has them, some just stink more than others.

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Colonials, eh?

Well, not many in the running.  I really don't want to have to cycle to Scotland with this thing in my rucksack.  Come on guys!

Point to note:  there was a (reasonable) belief voiced on Sunday that these are photocopied sheets.  They're not!  They're original; they just lost their binder somewhere along the way. 

British Fart to Florida, Nude to New York, Dunce to Denmark, Numpty to Newfoundland.  And Shitfaced Silly Sod to Sweden.

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23 hours ago, Sparky said:

Colonials, eh?

Well, not many in the running.  I really don't want to have to cycle to Scotland with this thing in my rucksack.  Come on guys!

Point to note:  there was a (reasonable) belief voiced on Sunday that these are photocopied sheets.  They're not!  They're original; they just lost their binder somewhere along the way. 

Hoi, that, could be construed as racist.

I have a good mind to complain to the monopolies commission as their is obviously a bias towards my friends from the Englandshire of the border. And bare in mind. I WILL be traveling South again soon.

23 hours ago, Hawaiis0 said:

I have a friend who has this car,

Which he likes to drive but not too far.

Only to the local – Red Lion or Holybush,

Cos home is downhill and it’s easy to push.

He has a garage, just like yours,

With lots of bits spread all over floor.

Without a manual, he’s quite not there,

Not knowing what bit goes where.

I’ve heard Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious,

Breaks out a sweat and he goes delirious.

Is there nothing we can do?

The solution I think is down to you!

Please be kind and help my friend.

Cos he’s sending me, round t’bend.

OK, so the poetic challenge is on then.

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Knowing I got it from the funniest twat I hadn't seen in 5 years before Sunday!

That would get at least 200 likes!

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Dave.

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10 hours ago, Sparky said:

 

10 hours ago, Hawaiis0 said:

I have a friend who has this car,

I know, so do I and it needs fixing.

Which he likes to drive but not too far.

Another garage queen, so why does he need a manual.

Only to the local – Red Lion or Holybush,

Sorry, no time for the local, too busy trying to find the fault which would be easier if I had a manual.

Cos home is downhill and it’s easy to push.

So I live at the top of a hill and if I had the manual I could fix it and drive up and down.

He has a garage, just like yours,

Maybe so, but not having the manual makes the garage almost pointless.

With lots of bits spread all over floor.

Because I don't know where they go.

Without a manual, he’s quite not there,

His is a garage queen, does it matter.

Not knowing what bit goes where.

Repeating previous point.

I’ve heard Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious,

So far out of time. Lots Of Time Usually Sublime.

Breaks out a sweat and he goes delirious.

Is this because it may get dirty if it comes outside.

Is there nothing we can do?

Not really, unless you can invent a bubble to drive within.

The solution I think is down to you!

Yep, send me the manual and I can send a photo to you.

Please be kind and help my friend.

Why, so he can polish it while it's running.

Cos he’s sending me, round t’bend.

Yep.

Now, I need a manual so please send, never mind the above friend, with these pages I can save, a few more cars, and get them out of caves. My plight is real, so I wont defend, my comments here about this friend.

Just send me the bloody thing.

 

:sofa::ph34r::zorro:

OK, so the poetic challenge is on then.

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