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Bullying

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I saw an item pop up on Facebook the other day, (I hardly ever go there) about 'Dolly'. She was a lovely little girl who ended up as the Akubra hat model. Fast forward some years to when she had just turned 14 and she has ended her life due to bullying and harassment.

My son was bullied and has finally made his way though it. I am talking 5 years of his life where we didn't know if he was going to still be with us the next day.

He was bullied at school. The protagonists were called into the vice-principals office and one of them basically laughed while being told off. Schools do not have an effective solution for bullying.

A friend of ours daughter is being bullied at school now. She has ended up at home as she is scared to go to school and yet the bullies are still at school only having to attend detention during lunch hours. No suspension has been meted out. The victim however is not at school. What is even more bizarre is very one of these young girls was at the victims birthday party/sleepover just a few weeks prior and everything seemed fine. Someone even set up a Tinder account for her which has been discovered and removed. The police are involved now. The young lass is 12. Her number was given and every other detail by the bullies.

I don't believe workplaces have effective things in place to curb bullying either. My son was bullied there and when this was brought to the attention of other workers and eventually management etc., the answers my son got were 'Don't let him know he is getting to you as it will only get worse.' From management, 'Nothing has been found to indicate that your complaint has any basis.' My son, an apprentice. The bully, a mechanic of several years employment. The other workers who said anything to my son? All appprentices who were concerned about keeping their jobs or the hell it could be made if they said anything. The bully is also a great drinking buddy of the direct supervisor of the department.

My daughter is now getting it from other people that my daughters ex bleats to.

I don't know what the answer is. Maybe it is like the heavy kid on youtube that finally snaps and picks up the skinny smaller lad that is bullying him and basically body slams him into the ground. Violence is probably not the right answer as it is basically assault whereas the bullying (mental and in type) seems to have no repercussion in law.

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Hi Michael, 

Am glad you have posted this, such a sad situation. I’ve luckily not had too much exposure to bullying, I was on the receiving end of a couple of incidents at school but fortunately ignored it and the bullies got bored and went away. I have some friends who’s son was a victim for a year or so.. very difficult as it took some serious complaints for his school to take any action.. eventually a boy was expelled and the situation is ok now. I think highlighting it raises awareness, I’m sure these days it is more difficult as so much socialising sadly is done on FB etc but raising awareness must help along the way. Schools must be answerable in law at some point, but don’t want to admit it goes on in their institution. Good luck.

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Bibs may have far more insight into the online world, but why don't things like facebook etc jump on this sort of thing as soon as they are notified?

Is that censorship the thin end of the wedge?

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There are 2 trillion posts on facebook, it's impossible for them to impose moral policing on such volume. They do have some smart stuff like AI that can recognise suicidal posts and offer advice etc but even with 23,000 employees it's impossible to track it all... 

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Does it recognise posts from suicidal Esprit owners?

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I was more thinking of them turfing an online account once notified of that person bullying or harassing Bibs. Do they do anything like that in response to a police request?

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This is a long and complicated subject. As old as time itself and not sorted since year dot. I think all schools will say that have working 'anti-bullying' policy ongoing and in place. Do they work/have they ever worked? Well not in my opinion. My oldest daughter had it for 2 years where she didn't want to go to school or even walk down our road. She has come through it, is 20 and is at Uni. Youngest sailed though thankfully no issues.

My personal view is a bully only understands one thing - It's a power/control trip. If they haven't got the power and are refused the ability to feel dominant they can't bully. Bullies are on the whole cowards. They very rarely bully on there own as they need the back up of a group. One thing a bully really hates is someone standing up to them and (rightly or wrongly) being on the receiving end of the first smack in the chops.  Yes they'll be punishment at school but the punishment will always be better than living in fear of that bully and guaranteed they'll pick on a different target in future.

in the workplace much harder and haven't got any answers.  Obvious Instant dismissal unfortunately for any physical intervention. Leave, get a different job and state why in the reason for leaving.

Hope you get it sorted.

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This was actually displayed at the kids school - noticed it a few years ago and had to take a pictureBBC29A7B-CEF6-49FC-B135-48E6903CD21E.thumb.jpeg.3d099adfc4163520e9c3d7f9fa6bc252.jpeg

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Couldn’t believe it myself - had to take a picture

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Yep. If the bullies didn't know the words before, they do now and it shows the mindset of the person that wrote and then the person who ok'd it.

Was just talking to my daughter who is going through all sorts of mindgame hell from her ex, it has cost her jobs in town. She called this one of the most toxic places she has lived. She went on to say that bullies even exist in the highest places of government.

I am going to tell her to stop letting herself be treated like a victim. She tries not to, but every man and her dog that even slightly knows her is giving her a hard time.

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1 hour ago, ramjet said:

She went on to say that bullies even exist in the highest places of government.

Having experienced 2 years of hell over the last 3 from our local planning department id fully agree. Had I not been of strong enough character (read stubborn) they would have won. They were wrong and continue to be proven so. 

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Am having to deal with some of this at the moment with daughter. Sometimes it is difficult to differentiate between "normal" school life and bullying though.

What I did like seeing in the picture above was that they actually included "Ginge" in the list of things not to say because, quite frankly, it seems to be the one "minority" that it remains OK and even funny to continue abusing. Quite a lot of evidence of this over on on another forum I frequent and targeted at one particular user.

People seem surprised when I kick off over this as (I'm now bald) and what is left has toned down so people don't immediately register that I'm a ginger and had to put up with this shit at school.

I love this because it articulates 2 different attitudes to 2 different minorities, moving from shock to humour.

 

 

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On ‎15‎-‎01‎-‎2018 at 12:04, Kimbers said:

Sorry for the long post. My sons both have special needs. Aaron is Autistic and was considered "Different" at school. He still is hard work but he is a lovely lad, helpful and considerate, intelligent and dedicated. Sadly he can't find work as every interviewer says he is not "Dynamic" enough, or doesn't "Communicate properly". Anyway, I digress.

He had a small and very select group of friends at School, they all accepted him for who he is and what the issues he had. He writes like a 6 year old but give him a computer and he is literate and intelligent. When the schoole realised this he had a notebook instead of a writing book and went from bottom class of everything to top (except PE, no co-ordination you see!). But it also served to mark him as different.

I can't count the number of times I went to the school because of bullying. One day he had a meltdown and came home. It took a week to get him back to school and we still didn't know why as he is adamant he can sort his issues out himself (Also why he never tells employers he is Autistic, he doesn't want to be treated differently, he wants to get and do everything on his own merit!). Then one day it came out what had happened. A group of girls realised he always sat in the same seat and also that he didn't like to be touched. So they decided to sit in his seat and when he sat nearby spent the whole lesson poking him. 

Then it got worse. he likes to play with simple things. One reason  he couldn't have a Pen or pencil at school as his ability to turn it into a rocket ship or a car and then he wouldn't concentrate on his lesson. One day he as standing outside in the playground playing with a stick. He was 12. A 17 year old 6th former saw him playing with the stick and thought it would be funny to embarrass the "wierd kid" infront of all his mates. So he walked up behind him and swept his legs out from under him. Aaron fell badly on his hip and couldn't walk/was in agony. It turned out he had chipped a bone in his hip in the fall. 4 weeks off school and a set of cruches later he returned.

In the mean time I had been to the school and demanded to know what they were doing about this? before the meeting I said to Wendy "If they give me some namby pamby "He has a social worker and has had a tough life" crap that I would kick off big time".

The first thing said in the meeting was "We understand you are upset but "BOYS NAME" comes from a broken home and has a social worker and he thinks it will be bad for his studying if we did anything to him for the incident". I absolutely flipped. After a few choice swear words some threats and expletives my wife sitting there red faced I was told that I was the problem not this boy who had badly assaulted my son. So infront of the head mistress I called the Police and said I would like to report an ABH on my son which hospitalised him for 2 days.

Long story short all of a sudden faced with either a criminal record or the school actually doing something, he was suspended for 3 months.

I actually partly blame parents and partly blame the society we live in today. It is all about "Empowering our children" and "Nurturing bad traits and habits" instead of discipline and children knowing that it is their jobs to be kids and learn and have a good time. Empowering children has in turn led to even more restrictions on discipline to the point where a teacher can't even restrain a child if that child is attacking another or even the teacher! And society as a whole needs to look at youth offending and decide if a 12-17 year old is adult enough to know right from wrong and if they do then they need to be disciplined by Parents/society/Police and authorities like an adult instead of the bleeding heart namby pamby minority of this country having a bigger say than the majority and youths as old as 17 being consistantly and repeatedly let off for exceedingly violent offences as bad as GBH.

 

Very well spoken Kimbers. The "empowering children" is a by-product of the extreme ego-culture we practise today. WHO are we? The grown ups. Every minute in papers, tv, radio, the web etc. we find ego Things. Heck, even perfumes have egoistic names.

The false idea that "empowering children" will lead them to be good future leaders, are complete crap from both a reality standpoint, but also from a psycological standpoint. What in reality happens is this: grown ups have no time, no interest, no awareness and throw their responsability on the floor and some kids picks this up and as they are not grown ups and not developed, and in the meantime see strange adult roles from us (movies, games, politicians, strange adult behaviour, they have absolutely no reference of what to do, and it's the "Lord of the Flies" all over again. Just think of the "Big Brother" tv show that started many years ago. Totally perverted. And our Young ones being exposed to this sh.t, licked it all up and turned strange inside their Heart and soul, because we, were "having a good laugh" and creating even more of the same sh.t. Think about it for a minute: how many programmes are displaying and telling a good story and showing good morale, good behaviour and creating a good balance?

Then comes the nanny state with their underdeveloped misunderstood psycology and the army of money makers WHO wants to thrive for themselves making huge amounts of Money creating "classes", "courses", "survival trips", and what not, to back up the nanny state. They don't know a jac. shi. and they only exists because they keep on supporting each others arguements.

Couple that with the law complex that genuinely refuse to take matters into hands and create a law complex that will recognise that a 10 year old and upwards are fully able to create a living hell for others.

WHO Loose? the child or the Young person, who behaves as a normal person, following general rules of good behaviour in society.

A real tradegy which will evolve more and more as long as we as grown up people, don't react to our responsability.

I fully agree: a teacher today almost never can make any limiting factor for a bully in school (I teach in school), and in nearly all cases, the school gets paid per pupil, and  is very reluctant to make the right descision, and refuse to look into matters in the right way. Often the school board also consists of parents who have absolutely no idea of what it means to go to school today, nor any real interest in creating a better environment in the school. No politicians are showing any real interest in this. We are all aware of the problem, talk about it a lot, making tv and news headlines about it, all while we offer the latest and greatest mobilephone to our sons and daughters who use it to film perverse situations they do to another child/Young one.

An idea: at my school, we have pushed and pushed to finally make public a new rule: no mobile phone on any school kid. None. They are taken, loscked away, nad returned when off school. That does not remove the "being bullied going home from school"-problem, but at least it minimizes the problem. And in mu afterschool, the same is applying: no mobile phones. If we experience someone being a bully, we god Down hard on the problem, both for the bully and his or her parents. Meetings, strict rules, writing thick letters to the social authorities etc. We don't take it lightly and we have near no bullying at all. But in reality, there's very Little we can do. If a child or a teenager wants to be on someones neck all the tíme, it can be done. Socialising and makeing good examples of good behaviour is always being talked up and remains an active part of our childrens awareness. They have to be shown the good example, not only being told what they cannot do. And we, the adults, must alway act as role models. I wish there were a lot more grown up people in society who would do that.

Lastly, the big social medias needs to take their responsability in hands and do the right thing. Or a government should be able to simply shut that site Down, till' they do what's right. Freedom does not mean being able to do anything you want, but to avoid doing the wrong thing.

Remember: we have created a society in which we only idolise the youth, not listening to the elders and their wisdom.

So, walk your talk everyone. Let's put an end to this living hell that so many innocent children are being forced into existing in every day.

Kind regards,

jacques

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My daughter had it. If I could turn the clock back, I would have simply gone around to the offenders house and knocked seven bells out of the head of the house. Has never really got over it, depression and was even on suicide watch when at Uni.

I fukin hate bullies!!!

 

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I was bullied at school because my family worked on a market stall and I had a muslim name. The school did nothing, I was afraid of talking about it with my parents, if your kids are talking about these problems that's a good start, I felt as though I couldn't talk about it and I was on my own.

In the end I waited for the lead bully to be on his own and I threatened him with a cricket bat... The bullying stopped but it got reported and I was asked to leave the school.

That said the bullying did make me stronger, it also gave me a hunger to succeed, and drove my ambitions.

I have a hot wife, great family, cars, house, and well paid job... The bully's of past all seem to be unhappy, have fat ugly wives they inadvertently got pregnant, and jobs they hate.

Im pretty happy with how things have panned out. However I find it upsetting to hear that schools have not improved upon their stance on protecting those who are being affected by bullying - its shameful.

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